Don't trust the air in there July 24, 2007 The Razor's Edge/Greg Johnson Why must my bathroom be lemony-fresh? Is it really better to do your business in the middle of a fragrant forest than a water closet? Is the Tidy Bowl man really all that tidy? We spend millions each year on products to disinfect, clean, sanitize and deodorize our restrooms. The air in there just isn't fresh enough unless it comes from a can, is stuck up or plugged in. Heaven forbid you use the old stand-by and light a match anymore. The resulting blast from the lingering Lysol would leave a crater the size of the Sea of Tranquility. At the Johnson home the facilities are purified by spray. We have an industrial-sized can of Lemon Aire air sanitizer. It makes a body feel safer knowing that can's in there. It's like a security blanket - you're good to go as long as you have that can. At least that's what I used to think. “Warning: If inhaled, remove victim to fresh air. Apply artificial respiration if indicated.” This is what the not-so-fine print on the back of Lemon Aire warns. No precautions about what might happen from prolonged exposure. If you breathe this, you're a “victim” of a product that claims it “banishes offensive odors.” Guess if the fumes destroy your nostrils and cost you a lung, those pesky odors go along for the ride. This same label touts the product “leaves a refreshing fragrance.” After its own warning that anyone inhaling the product is a “victim,” who wants to test this claim? A customer service representative for Illinois-based Claire Manufacturing Co., which makes Lemon Aire, admits the warning is strong, but says it's targeted at those “who somehow could spray it up their nose” rather than those who simply sniff. One thing's certain - no matter whether you use the product or not, inhale or not, this smells. With Barry Bonds on the verge of breaking Hank Aaron's record of 755 home runs, here are a few thoughts from some former Major Leaguers about hitting home runs in the big leagues: “I always felt just like a kid at a circus whenever I saw him hit a home run,” -Herb Pennock, on watching Babe Ruth play “He has enough power to hit home runs in any park - including Yellowstone.” -Paul Richards, on Harmon Killebrew “Between me and my roommate we've hit 400 home runs.” -Bob Uecker, on his roommate Eddie Matthews, who had 399 home runs at the time "I used to love to come to the ballpark. Now I hate it. Every day becomes a little tougher because of all this. Writers, tape recorders, microphones, cameras, questions and more questions. Roger Maris lost his hair the season he hit 61. I still have all my hair, but when it's over I'm going home to Mobile and fish for a long time.” -Hank Aaron, as he closed in on Babe Ruth's all-time home runs record "I never thought home runs were all that exciting. I still think the triple is the most exciting thing in baseball. “To me, a triple is like a guy taking the ball on his 1-yard line and running 99 yards for a touchdown." -Hank Aaron |