Ballot results spark another eventful debate at MEA Aug. 5, 2007 Spectrum: Darin Markwardt “Knock, knock.” Boss: Come in Worker: Good morning sir, how are ... Boss: What's the news? Worker: Great news sir! The ballots are in and 75 percent of those voting want local power generation! Boss: Ha! I knew it! The people want a coal plant! Worker: Well, sir, not really ... Boss: What do mean “not really!” Matanuska Electric Association voters have spoken - they want coal! Worker: Well, sir, the people simply voted about whether MEA should stay with Chugach Electric or become independent. Coal really wasn't on the ballot. Boss: Son, you're a little slow. Worker: Sir? Boss: Son, those ballot results say whatever I want them to say. Just because we “encouraged ...” Worker: “Manipulated.” Boss: Whatever. Just because we manipulated a certain result does not mean that we shouldn't take full advantage of those lovely results. Worker: By lying? Boss: By expounding upon a fact or two. Worker: Ah. Boss: For example, I'll bet we didn't even get 25 percent of MEA members to vote. Worker: No sir, only 23 percent responded. Boss: So, out of the 23 percent who responded, 75 percent want local power? Worker: Yep. Boss: So that's a 4-1 margin of victory? Worker: Yes sir. Boss: Make it 5-1. Worker: Isn't that lying sir? Boss: Not if we say, “By nearly a 5-1 margin.” Worker: How mathematic. Boss: I think so. Worker: So, when I proclaim the “nearly 5-1 victory,” should I send out a press release stating that a majority ... Boss: Call it a mandate. Worker: Excuse me? Boss: Don't just call it a majority. Call it a mandate. Say that we have a mandate from a clear, overwhelming majority of the people. Worker: Well sir, a mandate is actually when a majority of the people vote a certain way - in a real election. Boss: A “real election?” Worker: Well sir, you can hardly call our election real. We sent out a ballot with two options. One was obviously the good choice and the other was obviously bad. And then you told them how to vote in the accompanying newsletter. Boss: I don't apologize for that, son! I'm a man of the people. I simply broke down the message so that the good people didn't have to trouble themselves with all that thinkin' and wonderin'. Worker: How thoughtful. Boss: And that‘s why I also shot that TV commercial. It alleviated the mental suffering of thousands of voters. Worker: You're all heart, sir. Boss: And that part about California regulations, what a success! Worker: Yes sir, you really threw out that California label. But you did neglect to mention how those regulations would actually hurt Alaska. Boss: Yep. It was a stroke of genius. Say that name of a hated state - then move on. Worker: But sir, don't you think that it was a bit shady to tell people how to vote on your own ballot? Boss: (sighs) Son? Worker: Yes sir? Boss: Did we win? Worker: Um, I guess sir. We got the result that we bought, er, wanted. Boss: Then is there anything else you need from me? Worker: Just one more thing sir. It seems that we have a bit of a public relations issue. Boss: Oh? Worker: Yes sir, it seems that 56 percent of the Valley does not like the way MEA conducts business. Boss: Now where did you get a number like that? Worker: It was a scientific poll conducted by the Borough ... Boss: There you go again with the science! When are you gonna learn that science is in the eye of the beholder? Worker: Um ... Boss: How many people did the Borough get for this little poll? Worker: 407. Boss: 407? You're telling me that 407 people got polled and I should care? Worker: Well sir, like I said, it was scientific poll, which means it used the same methods that all nationwide polls ... Boss: Son! Worker: Yes sir. Boss: How many votes did we get? Worker: 7,000. Boss: How many people were in the Borough-wide poll? Worker: About 400. Boss: So we have 7,000 and they have a few hundred. We have more, they have less. Worker: Well sir, unlike our vote, they're poll wasn't manipulative. It actually represented the true feelings of a majority of the Valley residents ... Boss: Son. We have two numbers: 7000 and 400. Which one is more? Worker: 7,000, sir. Boss: And what does that give us? Worker: A mandate for coal, sir. Boss: You're learning, son. Now leave my office. I've got Usibelli on line 3. |