Rodney Dangerfield once quipped, “My wife and I were happy for 20 years — then we met.”

I’ve also heard this one around the water cooler: “I bought my wife a new car. She called and said, ‘There is water in the carburetor.’ I said, ‘Where’s the car?’ She said, ‘In the lake.’”

Marriage is either a little bit of heaven or a little bit of hell without much in between. Hebrews 13:4 reads, “Marriage is to be held in honor among all.” The institution of marriage is to be held in highest esteem and the highest regard. Marriage is the first institution ordained and established by God. God is the architect of marriage. God is the designer of marriage. Any attack upon the institution of marriage is a direct, frontal attack upon God himself. Marriage is not the product of man’s genius. It did not rise to the surface out of the milieu of the culture. It is from the heart and mind and genius of almighty God. In Genesis 2:18-25, God ordained marriage. All of creation was very good, but it was not good for Adam to be alone. In verse 18 God said, “I will make him (Adam) a helper suitable to him.”

God said, “I will take Adam’s dimensions and study his personality and his strengths and his weaknesses. I will make him a helper perfectly suitable for him.” Eve enabled Adam to fulfill the things God called him to do.

God’s plan for marriage is that husbands love their wives as Jesus loved the church. Ephesians 5:25 says, “Husbands, love your wives, just as Christ also loved the church and gave himself for it.”

Jesus sacrificed, loved and even died for the church. He left heaven and came to earth in poverty. He lived a perfect life. He taught the truth. He performed hundreds of miracles. Jesus died upon the cross. Our sins were placed upon him. As Jesus loved the church so husbands are to love their wives.

Wives are to love their husbands and to love their children (Titus 2:4-5). There is no higher calling for a woman then to love her husband and her children. Even our society understands this. There is an old saying that goes, “behind every great man stands a great woman.” Our culture also says that the hand that rocks the cradle rules the world. The Bible contains much counsel for a great marriage. Ephesians 4 contains two principles that are necessary for a dynamic marriage.

The first principle is found in verse 15. It mentions “speaking the truth in love.” Often in marriage opposites attract. Sometimes one person is a fiery volcano and the other is a quiet clam. The fiery volcano becomes angry and then blows. He must learn to speak the truth in a loving, gentle manner. This person is not hesitant to speak the truth, but his anger overwhelms the message. The quiet clam engages in the silent treatment. This person forces the spouse to guess the problem. This individual needs to speak the truth. She needs to carefully enunciate the things bothering her.

John 1:17 says, “For the law was given through Moses, but grace and truth came through Jesus Christ.” Jesus always spoke the truth, but he did so in a loving manner. Yes, at times righteous anger is necessary. However, in the context of marriage especially, love and truth must be mixed together.

The second principle is found in verse 26. “Be angry, and do not sin; do not let the sun go down on your wrath.” This verse is teaching the importance of forgiveness.

Every relationship runs on forgiveness. As the world economy runs on oil so every relationship is dependent upon forgiveness. The opposite of forgiveness is settled anger or bitterness. Bitterness is like plaque that clogs the arteries. A failure to forgive will destroy your marriage and your own life. This verse says, “When disagreements come in marriage always resolve the situation before nightfall.”

A failure to forgive will imprison a person in the past. Unforgiveness gives Satan an open door. The very next verse reads, “... and do not give the devil an opportunity.” This is so important that an entire book in the Bible is devoted to the subject of forgiveness — the book of Philemon. The importance of forgiveness is a constant theme in scripture. No less than 75 word pictures about forgiveness are found in the Bible. They help us to grasp the importance and the effects of forgiveness.

To forgive is to turn the key, open the cell door and let the prisoner walk free. To forgive is to write in large letters across a debt, “nothing owed.” To forgive is to pound the gavel in a courtroom and declare “not guilty!” To forgive is to bundle up all the garbage and trash and dispose of it, leaving the house clean and fresh. To forgive is to loose the moorings of a ship and release it to the open sea. To forgive is to grant a full pardon to a condemned criminal. To forgive is to relax a stranglehold on a wrestling opponent.

You are never more like God than when you forgive others. Jesus is the ultimate example of forgiveness. Even on the cross he prayed, “Father, forgive them for they know not what they do” (Luke 23:34).

Marriage is a holy institution designed by God. You have a great opportunity to glorify God in your marriage. Marriage was designed and given by God to be enjoyed. Speak the truth in a loving, gentle manner. Be quick to forgive. This is God’s pattern for marriage.

Ethan Hansen is pastor at Faith Bible Fellowship of Big Lake. Contact him at ethanchansen@gci.net.