Leaving a legacy requires love and lots of it. A wealthy man traveled the world collecting rare paintings and purchasing treasures of art. He had only one son, a very ordinary boy who grew up in relative obscurity, hardly noticed by others. When he grew to be a young man, he died unexpectedly and his father greatly mourned the loss.

Within a few months after the tragic death, the father died as well from a broken heart, leaving behind his incredible rare art collection. In his will, he stipulated that everything he owned was to be auctioned off. Strangely enough, he requested that one particular painting was to be auctioned first- a portrait of his son done by an unknown artist.

A large crowd assembled and, according to the will, the auctioneer did as instructed. He first directed their attention to bid upon this portrait of the obscure son of the wealthy man. But no one knew the boy. No one knew the artist and no one cared for the painting. A long time passed with no bids. Finally, an old man who had been a servant in the house of the wealthy man came forward. He placed a one dollar bid on the portrait of the son whom he loved very much, that being all he could afford.

There were no other bids. The servant was able to purchase the painting of the son for one dollar. Then came the dramatic moment when the auctioneer read the next portion of the will. To the astonishment of everyone, it read, “The entire rest of my vast art collection shall go to the one who loved my son enough to purchase his portrait.”

By loving his son, this servant received the entire estate. That’s precisely how a spiritual legacy works as well. By loving God’s Son, Jesus, all the vast treasures of God’s kingdom are passed down with it. When we love Christ, a rich legacy is left for our children.

But we must do more than love Christ. We must also love the wife God has given us if a spiritual legacy is to be passed down. The greatest thing we can ever do to pass down a spiritual legacy to our kids, apart from loving God, is to love their mom. I love my kids. But the greatest way I can show love for them, apart from loving God, is to love their mom. Kids need to see love between their parents, and when they do, their hearts are prepared to receive the love of God.

In Ephesians 5:22-31, God challenges us to lead our wives and love them as Christ loved the church. That is no easy task! We must be both a leader and a lover. This is not an either/or but a both/and. Both aspects- leading and loving- must be present.

A leader who does not love his wife is a harsh dictator. A lover who does not lead her is  a spineless wimp. But the husband who is both a leader and a lover is a man who provides the greatest legacy possible for his children. Love must be real between a husband and wife before it can be real between a father and his children. Ephesians 5:22-31 details two ways we must treat our wives.

The first charge is, “Dads, lead your wife! Wives, be subject to your own husbands, as to the Lord. For the husband is the head of the wife, as Christ is also the head of the church, He Himself being the Savior of the body. But as the church is subject to Christ, so also the wives ought to be to their own husbands in everything.”

As Paul describes our relationship with our wives, he begins by establishing the headship of the husband over his wife. The man is the head of the wife just as Christ is head of his church.

Four words help us understand this relationship: equality, authority, responsibility and intimacy. The two sexes have equal status in God’s kingdom. Galatians 3:26-28 reads, “For you are all sons of God through faith in Christ Jesus. For all of you who were baptized into Christ have clothed yourselves with Christ. There is neither Jew nor Greek, there is neither slave nor free man, there is neither male nor female; for you are all one in Christ Jesus.” Because husbands and wives are one in Christ, our difference must be one of function and role, not value or importance.

Headship means the right to rule. When Paul says that wives are to be subject to their own husbands (verses 22-24), he uses a Greek word (hupotasso) which means “to line up” (tasso) “under” (hupo). Hupotasso means to line up under the authority of another. There is a chain of command designated by God for the home (1 Corinthians 11:3).

Great authority brings great responsibility. All of this is to be done in the context of great intimacy. Men, our wives long for us to be intimate with them. When our heart is filled with the Lord we are most likely to be filled with love for our wife. That’s because “God is love” (1 John 4:8).

The second charge is, “Dads, love your wife! Husbands, love your wife just as Christ also loved the church and gave Himself up for her” (verse 25). This love is to be unconditional. In “husbands, love your wives,” there are no qualifiers or disclaimers. There are no exceptions or escape clauses. It is an unreserved love. “Just as Christ also loved the church and gave himself up for her.”

At the cross, Jesus demonstrated the supreme act of love when he laid down his life for us (John 15:13). Rather than being served Jesus sacrificed for us. True love is all about giving, not getting.

It is to be an undefiled love (verses 26-27). Love wants only the best for the one loved. It is to be an understanding love. “He who loves his wife loves himself” (verse 31). The man who loves his wife is actually loving himself because the two are one. Finally, it is to be an unending love. God calls husbands to love their wives with an unbreakable, unending love (verse 31).

A card for Mother’s Day went like this. On the front of the card it said, “Just for you on Mother’s Day. ... Relax, put your feet up, have some coffee and have some tea, read the paper, watch TV, don’t cook, don’t clean, don’t wash, don’t iron, just do what makes you glad. In other words, just for this one day.” Then you open it up and on the inside it says, “just pretend you’re Dad.”

Men, the greatest thing we can do for our kids, apart from loving God, is to love our wives. Nothing else on a horizontal plane even comes close. This is the real measure of a man.

Ethan Hansen is pastor at Faith Bible Fellowship in Big Lake. He can be e-mailed at ehansen@biglakefaithbible.org.