Bullying in school

School is in session and most parents see their children’s smiles, but many children do not have the luxury of enjoying their first week of school. Instead, their parents are already having to console them because of bullying. Parents often feel as powerless as their child feels ostracized. It’s unfair, unpredictable, and unkind. But we are not powerless to be our children’s advocates.

First thing is first: believe them. Listen to your child and validate what they are telling you. When your child confides in you about being bullied, it took a lot to say the words. Most children are fighting to show that they can be a grown up and don’t need help every day like a “kid” does, so when they ask for help they mean it. Your home must be a safe space for them to share their experiences without interruption or judgment.

We are all civilized, but our instincts tell us to react strongly. Try to remain calm. Your child needs to see that you can handle the situation rationally and effectively. Reacting too emotionally might make them hesitant to share more in the future or teach them an inappropriate coping mechanism when they feel stressed.

Encourage your child to share more details by asking open-ended questions. This will help you understand the nature of the bullying, the frequency, the locations where it occurs, and the person or people involved. All of this will come in handy when you approach the school administration about the situation because they can check tapes, disciplinary information, and interview people.

Make sure that your child does not feel at fault for the bullying. Often, children blame themselves and feel like they earned or deserved it, so it's important to let them know that bullying is never acceptable. Nobody deserves to be treated poorly. Say those words so your child hears them often – they deserve respect and that’s what this is all about.

Now that you have all of the information and your child knows you are doing to go to bat for them, contact the school. Schedule a meeting with the appropriate school personnel such as the teacher, counselor, principal, or other designated staff member. In the Mat-Su Borough, most schools have a School Safety Officer available at all times that the school is open. This will be a staff member whose purpose is specifically the safety of all students, staff, and visitors. This is not the same as a School Resources Officer which is a law enforcement officer posted at the school. The Safety Officer may include the Resource Officer depending on the situation, but you want to be sure that you are speaking to the school contact so that the information is documented.

Present the information you've gathered and discuss your concerns. Ask about the school's anti-bullying policies and how they plan to address the situation. They will not be able to give you specifics about your case and will not be able to show you videos, but they will check the record. The reason they can’t let you see the video is the privacy of other children in the video, not because they are hiding anything. Just trust the school to do their job – people don’t work at schools without a concern for the safety and security of children. Just remember that nobody should be telling you anything specific about disciplinary actions against the offending student(s), but they should at least tell you whether an investigation and action took place.

If you feel that the school is not handling the case properly, contact the Mat-Su Borough School District administration in Palmer and talk to the safety department. Ask for them to follow up with the school to make sure that something happened. If they are not responsive, contact your local representative on the Mat-Su Borough School Board. You can find the name and contact information of your representative by calling 907-746-9272.

If the bullying involves physical harm, threats, or harassment that extends beyond the school environment, legal action might be necessary. Consult a lawyer if you think this step is necessary, because it is time-consuming and very technical.

Keep a record of any future incidents. Maintain communication with your child to understand whether the bullying continues or if there are any improvements. This documentation could be useful if further action is required.

Help your child develop strategies to cope with bullying, such as walking away from the situation and seeking help from teachers or friends. Teach your child that it's okay to stand up for themselves and to report any future incidents. Encourage your child to pursue activities they enjoy and spend time with friends who treat them well. This will help counteract the negative effects of bullying.

Christian M. Hartley is a 40-year Alaskan resident with over 25 years of public safety experience and public service. He runs a freelance business, Big Lake Writer, from home in Big Lake that he shares with his wife of 19 years and their three teenage sons