COLUMN: Don’t pick permanent solution for temporary problem

Another teen in the Chugiak-Eagle River community has committed suicide.

The rumor mill can fill you on gender, grade level and which school. I know those things but choose not to focus on that in this editorial. Rather, the option to extend sincere condolences to all that knew this precious soul taken by a despair none of us can understand is the first action this editorial takes.

There simply are not sufficient words to express to those who are now experiencing the loss of this young person how much this community hurts on your behalf. You are in the prayers of many; in the thoughts of many. I pray peace and strength come to you as elusive as that must seem at this time. Your loss is great and your loved one was a valuable part of this community.

Thus, yes, of course, identity is important. Thankfully, I no longer am a hard core, hard news journalist needing to meet a news story check list requiring that specific information.

Rather, by opting out of name, grade, etc, the hope is this editorial will look at identity in a holistic approach and provide some salve for a community that is now hurting and processing something that just should not be.

This teen was once a gleam in daddy’s eye and a mother and a father’s pride and joy. This teen embodied the future promise of continued generations. This teen had likes and dislikes; had talents and challenges. This teen had hopes and dreams; this teen also had disappointments. This teen – like all of our teens and even those of us in our late 40s or 50s or 60s or 70s – had a whole lot of life still ahead with so many more experiences to document and opportunities to explore.

Words such as sad, tragic and unfortunate come to mind.

I say, “this sucks” and “this just bites.”

And I mean that. I have no doubt that many others feel and think the same.

No, I did not know this young person particularly well.

That doesn’t matter.

What matters is that one of our kids in this community was taken out by what the rough world dishes out.

Living life can really suck sometimes. It hurts. It stabs. It bites. It is unfair and it does not hold back on being harsh.

There is no denying that life’s twists and turns can make one want to hurl. There is not denying that running away from life is attractive. There is no denying that we all have those moments when we want to escape.

I do. More often than I should admit.

Yet, I will admit. And I will allow myself to be vulnerable to anyone reading this in saying that I can identify with the desire to be done with life.

Nonetheless, it just isn’t a viable option. It does not solve anything. It only creates even more discouragement for those left behind.

While life does often do those above mentioned things, it also does the following:

Life encourages, life excites, life inspires and life gives meaning and purpose.

Somehow that has to be dominant over the negative stuff.

Somehow.

This next sentence is not for the loved ones of this latest teen victim. This is for the rest of us.

Take time to look around and see who is hurting and could use a hug or an extra big smile. If someone seems repeatedly “not okay,” be a little nosy and ask if they need help. Don’t be too nosy, but be nosy enough to show care about them by doing a couple of things: Verify this person is not right on the edge. If the person does seem to be on the edge, have enough courage to be the supportive person that gets them to professional help.

Tell your kids how much you love them. Tell them how proud you are of them even for what in the world’s view may be the smallest of accomplishments. Those little things add up. Tell your spouse or your partner the good things and encourage each other in this journey. Let loose of the stuff that harms when it lingers too long. Tell a stranger or a mere acquaintance something positive when you greet them on the street.

When I learned of this latest tragic event, I hugged that big lug of a young adult I call the Manchild just a bit longer than I usually do each day. I wanted him to know even just a bit more – okay, actually, a whole lot more – how much I love him, appreciate him and value him. I wanted him to not only know that in his head, but to feel it in his heart and in his soul that the life he has been given is of value to his family and his community and that he has worth just because he is.

Can we find a way to convey this even more clearly and more regularly to our teens – to this future generation that right now face struggles that can seem insurmountable? Can we find a way to make sure these kids – our kids – know beyond a doubt that we value them and want them to finish growing up to take their rightful place in our society? Can we allow ourselves as adults to be vulnerable enough to admit to our kids that while we don’t have all the answers, we would so much rather search out those answers hand-in-hand with all of our children – the biological kids, the step kids, the foster kids, the kids that live across the street, the ones that attend school with our kids, the kids that smile sometimes when inside something is terribly wrong – then hold each other’s hands at their graveside?

Can we find a way to be clear that permanent solutions to temporary problems are not acceptable outcomes for our kids? For anyone?

Can we replace attempts and thoughts of suicide with long, meaningful hugs that transfer more than enough acceptance and love to create security in the mind and soul of an overwhelmed teen?

There is where the issue of identity comes in to play. Yes, the name of this latest victim is relevant. But more importantly, the identity that eluded this young person is what we should focus on. The identity that failed to tell this young person that ending one’s own life is not the correct answer is the identity our society needs to eliminate from existence. No person should ever come to the place of believing that death is the best option to solve problems. Instead, we need to give to each man, woman and child sharing this earthly experience an identity of dignity and respect for human life simply because it is exists and it is a beautiful thing. Let’s create the identity in which challenge and despair and struggle is but a short blip on life’s radar when it does come along. Let’s create the identity in which it is absolutely unacceptable for those things to lead any of us to the point of checking out.

I don’t have the answers. But I do have a smile and a hug for anyone – struggling or not.

And I hope that as I muddle along through this life that the identity I can impart to others is one that tells them they are valuable just because.

Editor’s Note: Amy Armstrong is a long-time resident of Eagle River, freelance writer and curator of a mean dish of halibut enchiladas.