COLUMN: Resiliency in full display

It is a notion flittering around my mind this past week.

Webster defines resiliency as the “ability to recover from or adjust easily to misfortune or change.”

The discussion of bouncing back came up last week as my conversations within the community included a topic encountered while interviewing the candidates for the title of Miss Bear Paw in Eagle River.

Each candidate was asked similar questions and answers to one in particular grabbed my attention.

The question regarded a challenge the candidate had faced and how that changed her.

It’s a terrific question to ask. Its answer quickly gets to the heart of the person responding.

The poignant response given by the first candidate gripped my thought process.

She talked about being bullied in school.

I thought, “What is wrong with our society when a girl as gorgeous, as sweet and as involved in the community can tell this type of story with highly specific detail.”

The mother in me wanted nothing more than to get up out of the judge’s chair and hug this young woman. I wanted to tell her that she was brave.

At the conclusion of her interview, the collective panel of judges praised her willingness to be so forthright about her challenges before she bid us farewell.

After scoring, we nearly simultaneously said to each other something along the lines of how sad it was to hear of such a story.

And then another of the candidates discussed personal experiences being bullied. And another. And another.

“What is going on?” I asked.

Thus, in the course of the next week as I visited with community leaders and educators, I asked them for a status report on bullying. After all, in the past several years, quite an effort has been mounted to raise awareness. Surely the amount of bullying has been reduced, right?

Sadly, bullying is alive and well, I am told.

It seems similar to the battle against dandelions in the yard. One has to dig deep to get the entire root or the darn thing just grows back.

Digging up a dandelion can leave a decent-sized hole in the yard. It might not look real pretty until the grass is given a chance to reclaim that space.

This is where the concept of resiliency – that ability to bounce back – enters in.

Educators I spoke with – whose names and school affiliations will remain unidentified for reasons readers will understand in the next few sentences – told me that yes, absolutely, they have zero tolerance for bullying.

Trouble is, “bullying” has become such a buzzword in today’s society in which every kid gets a trophy at the conclusion of the season that at times it is a struggle to weed out whether or not the situation at hand is truly bullying or more a matter of a misunderstanding blown out of proportion.

Not every time that kids – and for that matter, adults – don’t get along and “play nice together” qualifies as bullying.

These educators indicated that at times “bullying” gets the label when in reality it is a case of a child – and yes, even an adult, especially parents – needing to learn about being resilient.

I am in no way shape or form advocating a tolerance of bullying or harassing behavior. I’ve been the victim of it and I know how much it hurts. I grew up in farm country and was elected a dairy princess in high school. Being a larger gal, I became the target of a “mooing” taunt that echoed down the hallways of my high school for months. It wasn’t funny; it harmed a teenage girl who was struggling with body image.

Point is – that was in the past – and despite its trauma, I found a way to move on. Within less than a year after high school, I participated in the local level of the Miss America pageant system figuring that if I could walk across a stage in a swim suit and three-inch heels, I could do anything. I never went very far crown wise, but I racked in scholarship dollars and confidence.

Resiliency at its finest. Perhaps.

My parents instilled in me the ability to get back up. My faith in a Creator whom I believe knows the big picture helps me to move past things I find offensive – even if that movement at times rivals a turtle’s pace.

I am concerned that today’s crop of kids might be missing that lesson in a world in which we – myself included – spend far too much time over-analyzing everything. Instead we ought to bouncing back and investing our time and effort in growth for ourselves, yes – but even more importantly – as an example for our community and others around us to follow.

This is not a jab at the necessity for counseling, help or therapy when challenging or traumatic events occur. Nor is it a recommendation that we don’t take the time to hear each other out. For nearly two decades – after my youngest child was diagnosed with autism – I have sought counseling to navigate the rough waters of my own emotional distress. There are some big swells rolling across that sea including the occasional rogue wave which at times causes a disorienting personal capsize. It takes strength to reach for a life ring.

Through all of this, I have learned – I hope more effectively than ever – to bounce back. I want to be like those three guys in the Biblical book of Daniel that were thrown in the fiery furnace. When they were taken back out, there were no signs of burn marks on them and more interestingly enough, no smell of smoke to linger on their clothes.

Now that is resiliency.

I saw resiliency on full display among the young women interviewed for the title of Miss Bear Paw.

Through cracking voices and the shedding of tears, some of them told their story of being targeted. Yet, their next sentences were uttered with strength as they identified how they were able to overcome, learn and get back in the game.

It was a beautiful thing to see. Hopefully, I can see it in the mirror too.