Domestic Violence – from a male prosecutor’s perspective

A man kills his father and seriously injures his father’s fiancée with a machete after a family get-together. A son stabs his mother to death after they eat dinner. A mother sets fire to her house and kills one of her sons, who cannot escape the smoke and flames because she drugged him. A man shakes his infant to death. A husband shoots his wife in the back with a shotgun, paralyzing her.

These are but a few of the domestic violence cases I have handled in my 25 years as a prosecutor.

Most of these defendants did not have significant criminal histories. Fortunately for all of us, most “typical” domestic violence cases do not involve such an extreme level of violence and injury.

Whether the criminal justice system can reduce or prevent domestic violence is questionable.

Most states rely on coercion — in the form of criminal prosecution — to change behaviors and attitudes. In many countries, a lot of money is invested, and rightly so, in the prosecution of offenders and support of victims of domestic violence. However, barely a fraction of that investment goes into preventive work. As with most societal problems, the criminal justice system cannot offer a complete solution, especially when it comes to preventing domestic violence.

Domestic violence is a controversial subject. I have been exposed to many viewpoints regarding domestic violence: from victims, defendants, defense attorneys, judges, social workers, police officers, jurors and members of the public. Most defendants in domestic violence are men. Many of those men learned from people around them — fathers, uncles and other male role models, or from a society that expects men to be aggressive under certain circumstances. Some of them cannot see the wrong in domestic violence, do not take responsibility for their violent behavior, blame the victim and often re-offend, while others are truly remorseful, accept responsibility and are rehabilitated. Decisions to change behavior are often personal decisions, not necessarily influenced by sentences handed down by judges.

Some people feel the system is unfair to men, especially laws or police policies that mandate arrest, resulting in family separation, financial burdens and humiliation. When defendants are arrested in questionable cases, the buck is passed to the prosecutors and, at times, those cases are resolved by a plea to a lesser charge. Defense attorneys have noted that their clients often take pleas, even when the evidence is weak, to reunite the family, restore rights or reduce legal costs. The notion that laws need to protect victims trapped in a cycle of domestic violence offends some women who feel patronized.

Prosecutors see cases in which men beat innocent women, cases in which men are victims and cases in which both the man and woman are violent. Male victims of domestic violence often do not call the police to report the crime. Male and female victims alike often recant after the case is charged. Abuse of alcohol and other drugs, financial difficulties and mental disorders are often factors in domestic violence cases. Most people who are violent don’t believe they are violent, because violence has been their reality from an early age.

Domestic violence is often seen as a female victim/male perpetrator problem. Prosecutors and police often see it that way because most of our defendants are men, though evidence and cases have demonstrated both men and women are capable of domestic violence.

I see many men in court who have done wrong. On the other hand, outside the courtroom in our community, I see many more men working hard, taking care of their children and being gentle with their wives and girlfriends. While the protective instinct in men is recognized, the nurturing impulse in men is underrated.

Focusing on what we men can do, a re-evaluation of the concept of manhood in this day and age, in my opinion, is part of the solution. “Manning-up” today must include a reassessment of how we perceive ourselves as men and stepping forward from the sidelines regarding issues like domestic violence. Today, men have a greater opportunity to take an active role in parenting, preserving the family and setting an example for the next generation. Creating new laws that enhance sentences has often been the legislative fix for significant societal problems, and police and prosecutors are expected to step up. Men standing together against domestic violence, maintaining proper attitudes and teaching boys and young men how to behave, however, can be much better preventive medicine than putting people on probation or in jail.

Roman Kalytiak has been the Palmer District Attorney since January 1999.