MELINDA THE MOM: Quotes worth a thousand words

Some of the sentences I utter are just plain weird. I find myself repeating the same things over and over to my seven kids. Some of the phrases are generic: “Stop running in the house” or “Use your indoor voice” or “I pay for your cell phone, why aren’t you answering it?”

Here are a few of my favorites.

· “If your brother asks you to kick him in the crotch, don’t do it.”

· “Get your dirty underwear off the kitchen counter.”

· “Stop licking the television. We bought that from dad’s co-worker who smokes a lot of pot.”

· “Don’t flush the toilet until Mommy looks at your poop.”

· “You did a nice job walking quietly to time-out. Here’s a sticker.”

· “Your singing voice is beautiful. Why don’t you go sing is your bedroom, with the door closed.”

· “Stop telling your sister not to look at you. She’s blind.”

· “Don’t take off your clothes while you walk to the bathroom. Wait until you’re in front of the toilet -- with the door closed.”

· “Just because you announce we’re going to Disneyland, does not mean we’re going to Disneyland.”

· “Being a surgeon sounds like an interesting career choice for someone who is blind. Do you need help making that peanut butter and jelly sandwich?”

· “Get that pillow out of here and stop suffocating your sister.”

· “If you keep taking your pants off on the way to school, they won’t let you ride the bus.”

· “You’re bigger than that mosquito. You don’t need to be afraid.”

· “Yes, I’m feeding you lunch today. I feed you lunch every day.”

· “Poop is yucky. It is not play dough.”

· “We don’t know that man. Stop calling him Daddy.”

· “I’m opening a tampon, not a candy bar.”

· You can’t invite strangers from Walmart to Christmas dinner, in July.

· “I repeat: Stop telling your siblings we’re going to Disneyland. We’re not going to Disneyland.”

Do you say whacky things to your kids? Email your funniest quotes to melinda@tripodcommunications.com. Include your name and what town you live in. We’ll post the best submissions and get a good laugh while we do it.

Melinda Munson is a Co-Conspirator with Alaskafamilyfun.com. Reach her at Melinda@tripodcommunications.com.