Recognizing and responding to signs of domestic violence

Domestic violence is a devastating issue that affects people from all walks of life; age, gender, sexual orientation, and socioeconomic status have no affect. It runs a range of abusive behaviors including physical, emotional, sexual abuse, and financial control. Identifying the signs of domestic violence is important for both victims and concerned individuals.

One of the most visible indicators of domestic violence is physical harm such as unexplained bruises, injuries, or frequent hospital visits. Victims may try to conceal these injuries with clothing or makeup. Sometimes noticeable changes in behavior can be red flags, such as wearing long sleeves or a turtleneck shirt on hot days or really large sunglasses on dark days, when this isn’t the normal clothing choice.

Domestic violence often inflicts emotional trauma. Victims may show signs of depression, anxiety, low self-esteem, or a sudden change in personality. They can also appear overly fearful, timid, or submissive in the presence of their partner. Isolation from family and friends is also common. Remember, though, that some people do choose to be submissive of their partner and this is not, by itself, an indicator of a trauma.

Domestic abusers often exert control over their victims. They may restrict their access to finances, transportation, or basic necessities. Abusers may monitor and control their victim's activities, including phone calls, emails, and social media. They may restrict their partner to a shared social media presence where they can monitor all messages and posts. Manipulation tactics, such as gaslighting, can make victims doubt their own perceptions and reality. Gaslighting has been used more broadly in recent years, but true gaslighting is when one person forces the other to consider that the memory of something they experienced or saw isn’t true even though it was evidenced. “You’re imaging it,” “That was just a dream,” “You’re just crazy, babe,” are sometimes used to dismiss assault and abuse.

Being in a relationship does not mean someone cannot be sexual assaulted by their partner. Signs of sexual abuse can include physical injuries, difficulty walking or sitting, sexually transmitted infections, or a sudden change in sexual behavior. Victims may also express fear or discomfort around intimate situations or display signs of shame and guilt. If a person tells you that their partner makes them engage in sex even when they don’t want to, make sure they know that rape is rape no matter who the attacker is.

In many cases, abusers maintain control over their partner by exploiting the victim's financial resources. Signs of financial abuse can include limited access to money, inability to make independent financial decisions, or being forced to account for every expenditure. Victims may also be coerced into signing documents or sharing personal financial information against their will.

Recognizing these signs is only the first step. The next step is to respond effectively and provide support to victims of domestic violence. Here are some strategies to consider. Create a safe environment making the person feel comfortable and safe when discussing their situation. Offer a private and confidential space for them to share their experiences without fear of judgment or retribution. Actively listen for their information, don’t just listen to respond and reply. Do not blame them or doubt their story – listen to it in full.

Remember that we are all our own person with our awn agency. Respect the person’s autonomy and empower them to make decisions about their own life. Offer information on available resources and services but avoid pressuring them into any particular course of action. Do not force them to take action or put them into a position of danger by confronting the abuser. Instead, make sure the victim known people will help them and will support them if they decide to come forward. There are organizations specializing in domestic abuse and multiple shelters that can help if they do not have a home to move out to.

If you believe someone is in immediate danger, contact authorities or law enforcement. Report your concerns and provide any relevant information that may assist them in intervening effectively. They will react and respond according to their policies and procedures. Sometimes, they will need more information before the can respond to a third-party report, so be sure to provide evidence if you have any but strongly encourage the victim to come forward if you can.

Domestic violence thrives in secrecy and feeds on silence. Alaska leads the nation in domestic abuse, and it is important that we stand by the victims when we recognize the signs. We can play an active role in breaking the cycle of abuse and approach this issue with sensitivity and offer support without judgment.

Christian M. Hartley is a 40-year Alaskan resident with over 25 years of public safety experience and public service. He runs a freelance business, Big Lake Writer, from home in Big Lake that he shares with his wife of 19 years and their three teenage sons.