‘Totally un-captured’ by inservice

Editor’s note: David Baker submitted this in response to a story headlined ‘Capturing Kids’ Hearts,’ published Sept. 23. Its publication was delayed due to an abundance of election season letters and opinions.

Capturing Kids’ Hearts? I’m sorry, but no one can teach this! Especially, not in large venues like the annual district-wide in-service. The Curtis D. Menard Memorial Sports Center is a cold, uninviting place for continuing education. Having attended these in-services for nearly 16 years, I can state for fact that one thing hasn’t changed. It’s that “Wow! That was another wasted day!” feeling that pervades the minds of everyone when it’s over. Flippen can no more teach us to “capture” than I can teach the Moonlight Sonata. Oh sure, I’ve memorized the first movement, but I can’t teach you to feel the passion that Beethoven felt. All I can do is give you the notes, timing, pedaling and fingering. All Flippen can do is teach you how to say “Good morning.” and shake hands. He can’t teach you the empathy and sincerity that is involved in truly capturing a kid’s heart. Either you already have that potential within you, or you never will. So go ahead and shake those hands, but you’d better be sincere. Kids see right through all that pretentious baby-kissing hogwash.

For a good many of us, teaching is as innate as breathing. And kids are just raw materials. They’re clay. Each comes with his or her own skills, baggage, and flaws. Good teachers know this and do their best. For some, it’s just a job and I’m sorry but you should be working in a factory not Human Services. A very select few are teaching prodigies. They can teach anyone. No exception! And, they’re as easy to spot as the Beethovens and daVincis of this world. All educators, good, bad, and exceptional are going to mold these young people into the figures that we hopefully will be honored to see take charge of the world we leave them. Perhaps it’s time to approach professional development from the standpoint that there’s no need to re-teach those common sense topics that are already a given - CPR, Bloodborne Pathogens, and always report abuse. We don’t re-teach the multiplication tables every year. Four times five is always 20 and if they’re not breathing, always clear the airway and check again. And don’t try to teach adults how to “be nice,” or how to “Capture Kids’ Hearts.” Either we already possess those qualities, or we are going to remain jerks forever. We can no longer get by on the fluff that I refer to as new-age metaphysical mumbo-jumbo. Furthermore, we can’t square-peg fit every district employee into these catch-all trainings. In-services need to reflect the diversity of our staff. Seriously, how useful is it for a custodian or a lunch lady to listen to an astronaut jabber about her zero-G selfies? Name one thing about social contracting with kids that’s going to help them extract carpets or cook their sweet potato fries. You can’t!

By the time most educators make it through the higher education gristmill, they’ve adopted the “It’s my way or the highway” philosophy. Don’t get me wrong. I’m not bashing the philosophy; it’s been around a very long time and at some level, it works fine. What I am bashing is the idea that you can teach someone to be empathetic or a prodigy. Again, you can’t. There are those rare individuals who are born to compose phenomenal music, born to create master works of art, and… born to teach prodigiously. The rest of us can only aspire and observe.

Originally, this piece was a lengthy 2,000-word series of pictures that needed to be edited in order to meet constraints of newspaper editorials. Therefore, what follows is a radical condensation of my in-service experiences at Menard this year, so read between the abbreviated lines.

I made my way to the Menard Center. Volume of the hard rock cranked to the max as my agitation rose to equal it. Stewing over the mandates we all received. “You will be there. You won’t take annual leave. You won’t be sick. You will sit with your group. You will wear your colors.”

Major construction everywhere. Another roundabout? Now I’m totally anti-psyched for the cold ice arena. Plugged in my iPod earphones fully cranked. Walked briskly past the Union Reps with their stickers. Rudely ignored the perky door-prize greeters. Unsurprised by the remark behind my back — loud enough to hear over the headphones. “Boy! He’s really happy to be here!” I took as seat in the back row of my assigned section. Chilling on ice. Tunes barely drowned out the 2,500-person mingle. Began reading new book. Page 1.

Respectfully removed hat and silenced my music for the pledge, etc. etc. Immediately resumed music, book, and hat for duration of the morning. Eventually applause erupted and I found myself on page 75.

Walked around during lunch to get circulation flowing. Envious of the electronic users in the balcony section. That’s where I sat for the entire day last year. Equally meaningless and forgettable.

After-lunch session. Resumed music, book and isolation in my assigned seat. Can’t over-emphasize the level of uncapturedness I felt. If I weren’t so anti-union, I’d lobby for some sort of PD exemption clause in the contract. Let’s say, for a thousand bucks you could buy your way to freedom. Just like the slaves. Why not? Our inservices are as pointless as roundabouts and the Parks/Glenn Mobius-strip interchange. Oh never mind! I’ve got lesson plans to finish.

Oh, by the way, I finished my 134-page book just as the in-service ended, “The Virtues of Aging,” by Jimmy Carter. Remarkable! I’m 54 and I can’t remember ever finishing an entire book in one sitting. Except, of course, for all those great Dr. Seuss titles we all read as kids. Flippen Hears a Who? The Flip in the Hat. Flip the Eggs and Ham. One Flip, Two Flip, Red Flip, Blue Flip.

David Baker is a Special Education Assistant for the Mat-Su Borough School District.