20 years and counting

Twenty years ago my book “Pastor, I Am Gay” was published. Local bookstores refused to carry the book. The one bookstore that accepted 10 books for sale called and asked that the books be removed. The owner of that one store said that when she displayed the book she received too many complaints from her Christian customers.

At that time there was one ministers’ group in the Valley. They moved their meeting place and sent a messenger to tell me that “the group has no basis for fellowship with Howard Bess.” The book was sold in the Valley in a barbershop and a beauty parlor. In Anchorage I was welcomed as a guest author at both Borders and Barnes and Noble. Across the country “Pastor, I Am Gay” sold reasonably well and became a “niche” book in the market place.

My journey with gay people began in the 1970s in Southern California when a young married man in my congregation came to me and made his painful confession. “Pastor, I am a homosexual.” I was ignorant and uninformed, but I understood my pastoral role well enough that I responded with acceptance. Literature on the homosexual phenomenon was very limited. I read everything I could find. I took a hard look at what the Bible had to say on the subject and what it did not say. I concluded that gay persons were sexually different but normal and should be accepted fully in the life of Christian churches. I called a special meeting of the congregation and shared my conclusions.

To my surprise, the bulk of the congregation was cautiously accepting. To my greater surprise people started coming out of their closets. I had many more gay parishioners than one. Further I had parents of gay sons and daughters in the congregation. However, I soon found that I was a very lonely person among my own clergy colleagues and friends.

In 1980 I left Southern California to accept a pastorate in Anchorage. When I made the move to Anchorage, I made a conscious decision not to pursue the issue of gay acceptance. I did not go looking for gay parishioners. However, gay men and women found me. Typically they were Christian believers looking for a worshipping congregation that fully accepted them. I became far more involved with gay people in Anchorage than was my intent.

Again I found myself a lonely person among my fellow clergypersons. The Anchorage congregation became uncomfortable and my pastorate was concluded.

In 1993 I was challenged by a friendly clergyperson to write of my experiences. I accepted the challenge and began writing. “Pastor, I Am Gay” was published in 1995. The intent of the book was to make the case for full acceptance of gay people in the life of Christian churches.

In the mid-90s the topic of homosexuality, churches, and the Bible became a hot topic for publishing. Several books were authored by serious theologians and Bible scholars. The conclusions of the majority of the books found that the Bible says nothing directly about homosexuality. Same sex orientation was a completely foreign topic to the Bible writings. Sociological studies showed that society was full of gay people living responsible lives. The negative characterizations of the “gay lifestyle” were shown to be false. I wrote “Pastor, I Am Gay” in that context. However, I wrote not as a scholar but as a working pastor relating to gay people living their everyday lives. I officiated at dozens of gay “holy unions” that had no legal standing. I have ended up with an incredible array of gay friends across the country.

In September, 2015, Darlene and I attended the legal marriage of two dear friends who had been in a faithful monogamous relationship for over 30 years. I cried tears of joy for my friends. I never dreamed 40 (or even 20) years ago that the legal right to marry would be a reality for gay persons in America so soon.

The right to marry a person of the same sex now is the law in all 50 states. At a legal level justice has been done. However, a painful reality remains. In the vast majority of Christian churches in America, same-sex wedding ceremonies cannot be held on church premises. In addition the vast majority of our Christian ministers still refuse to participate in same-sex marriage ceremonies. Christians in America continue to be the primary resistors to social acceptance of gay couples.

Some of the resistance can be understood and even tolerated. America does not claim to be a Christian nation. We are by law a religious libertarian nation. Many of the leaders of our churches are not seminary trained. They are without denominational relationship or ordination requirements. They are untrained in critical studies of the Bible. Their resistance to gay acceptance is based on ignorance.

Even more of the resistance to gay acceptance by clergy is beyond tolerance. Most Christian ordained ministers in America are seminary trained and have been required to develop study skills. They know they have gay members. They are aware of the avalanche of books that have been written about the gay population. They know what the Bible says and does not say. They are not ignorant. They do not speak up.

And Jesus, teacher and prophet, weeps.

The Rev. Howard Bess is a retired American Baptist minister, who lives in Palmer, Alaska. His email address is hdbss@mtaonline.net.