A father first

BUTTE — Tom English wasn’t exactly a gloating father-to-be when first told his wife, Gina, was pregnant with triplets.

English said he was a bit hesitant after hearing the news in 1996. Already a dad to Gina’s 11-year-old son, Chad, English said his first reaction was more practical.

“I had this realization that the future meant three of everything,” English said. “I was more realistic, I suppose, while my wife and oldest were more ecstatic.”

English quickly overcame his shock and warmed to the idea that his home outside Palmer was going to have three new additions. He got busy and built an addition onto the house.

English was raised in central Minnesota in what he considers a fairly conventional family. Growing up, he said, his parents taught him and his two sisters how to stand tall, proud and to never do wrong in life. That was the moral code to abide by, he said, like it or not.

“Life was good there,” he said. “It was rewarding and then it was taxing, but the good always outweighed the bad.”

English has fond memories of his own father, whom he said was always quick with advice and encouraged most of English’s endeavors growing up.

“He taught me that if I caused damage in someone’s life, make it right immediately,” he said. “His moral code was strong.”

English was raised in a typical Midwest home. He went to church every Sunday and he played football. The bad times were leveled with the good, which proved to be an important lesson when English became a father himself.

In 1983, English moved to Palmer to pursue his future in Alaska. Ten years later, he married Gina and created a family with her son, Chad. As an officer for the Department of Corrections in Palmer, English had a simple and satisfying life, which was about to change radically.

It was in early January 1997 when a co-worker gave English the news that Gina had called. She was in emergency labor in Anchorage. The triplets were on their way.

“They told me it was an emergency-type situation, that something had happened,” English said. “It was interesting because I didn’t believe anyone at first. I didn’t let anyone know at work what was going on in my personal life, so when they said that they weren’t messing around, I drove as fast as I could to Anchorage. When I got there, it was done.”

Surviving a scare of early delivery and birthing complications, Dakota, Sydni and Thomas were born Jan. 4, 1997. At first, all seemed normal, but six months later the family learned Thomas was exhibiting the signs of having cerebral palsy and autism. For English, he not only was suddenly a father of multiples, but of one with special needs.

“It was a challenge; I’d never had kids before,” English said. “I got to help raise Chad when he was 5, but this was totally unexpected. It was rough.”

Through education and determination, English said he was determined to be a good father for Thomas and the other babies. Eventually, he said, he learned patience, love and tolerance.

Now 11 years later, “Thomas is a pretty self-sufficient kid,” he said. “But it’s like having a 10-month-old inside an 11-year-old body. He walks and communicates a little more now, but we work with him.”

Life has progressed for the English family. A few years ago, Chad, now 23, moved out of Palmer and into the U.S. Armed Forces, where he was eventually sent to Iraq for 16 months. Once again, English said he was practical when he got the news.

“It was different,” he said. “But he communicated a lot on the phone with his mom and me. He went and did what he had to do, came home and truly was one of the lucky ones.”

Last year, English received more shocking news — the father to 11-year-old triplets and a soldier was diagnosed with colon cancer. English said the news first left him in shock, until he began thinking about his family. English needed to stay strong for them, he said. He needed to be practical.

“At first I was just trying to deal with it,” he said of the diagnosis. “But I’m the type of person that moves on when things don’t go my way. I was taught that. You do what you’ve got to do.”

After six months of painful chemotherapy and periodic time off from work to recover, English is cancer-free and in remission. The experience also affected English’s outlook on life as a father.

“It gave me a new perspective on how I see things,” English said. “I put my kids first before anything else now.”

Today is Father’s Day, one that carries more meaning for English and his family. He said he still has much to learn about being a father. He has made many mistakes most fathers make, but tries not to repeat them.

“There are the times you can’t do everything right,” he said. “But that somehow evolves over time. It’s hard to explain. It always seems that when times are rough, something happens that is truly a joy, which instantly makes the bad go away. You take the job one day at a time.”

Contact J.J. Harrier at valleylife@frontiersman.com or 352-2269.