A lot of mind-changing is still needed

More than 15 years ago I authored a book about the relationship between gay people and churches. Occasionally, I reread the book to see what has happened to my thinking in the intervening years. Since its publication, I have had one important change of mind. In the book I advocated the legalization of long-term committed relationships between same same-sex couples. For many years I officiated at religious services (not legally recognized) for same-sex couples, but I did not call them marriages. I called them holy unions.

I have changed my mind. Not only do I believe committed same-sex relationships should be blessed and legalized, I believe they should be called marriages.

I was pleased this past week when Hillary Clinton made the announcement of a similar change of mind. She had long advocated legalization of long-term same-sex relationships, but she has now taken an additional step. She is now fully supportive of legal recognition of same-sex marriages. Hillary is not alone, as 58 percent of all Americans now support legalization of same-sex marriages. Over the past 20 years, there has been a lot of mind changing among Americans about gay marriage.

The shift of opinion has taken place for several reasons. The greatest reason is that gay people are leaving their closets. What was once a trickle is now a flood. Gay young people who are coming out of their closets are known by family and friends as perfectly normal human beings who just happen to be romantically attracted to persons of the same sex. At one time, the typical person coming out of the gay closet was about 20 years of age and a sophomore or junior in college. Now the person coming out of the closet is more likely to be a 14-year-old eighth- or ninth-grader. The person coming out of the closet may well be a cheerleader, a basketball player or student body president. Younger people are putting aside the poison of adult prejudices. Younger people are affirming their student friends.

It is becoming very difficult to find a student in a public high school who is overtly anti-gay. A lot of mind changing has taken place among families of gay people and among young people because a lot of closet doors are now open.

The next reason for the shift of opinion is the almost complete acceptance of gay people in the professional and academic worlds. Normalcy was given a big push when in 1973, the American Psychological Association decided to remove homosexuality from its official list of mental illnesses. Their reason was simple. They could not find pathology inherently related to homosexuality. Psychologists and other therapists were finding too many gay people who were normal in every way. Gay people had meaningful relationships, kept jobs and enjoyed wholesome recreational activities. Gay people were successful students in college majoring in subjects from literature to physics and chemistry, participated in college life as athletes, actors, musicians and artists, and found professions after completing their education. The evidence forced a change of mind among America’s educated.

Next, gay characters are regularly portrayed positively in movies and television shows. The power of television and movies cannot be overstated. Being gay in American society is no longer seen as unusual or negative. Gay people are a part of everyday life. Entertainment in America has taken gay people out of the shadows and placed them in the full light of normal living. In the media, gay people are simply neighbors, friends and family members. Under the influence of these images, a lot of minds have been changed.

In addition to these social and intellectual influences, credit must be given to courageous gay leadership. They have effectively spoken in the public arena. Their message is echoing in every corner of American life. “We are here!” “We are normal!” “We demand our rights!” Millions of people have heard their voices and have changed their minds. Gay acceptance and support in America is growing rapidly and the support numbers can only grow. The forces of change are too strong. Too many people have already changed their minds.

There is another side to the struggle for full acceptance of gay people. A large minority of Americans are fighting gay acceptance. We all recognize the names of the resistance players: Boy Scouts, Salvation Army, Roman Catholic Church, Evangelical Christians, Southern Baptists, Mormons. The list is long, and their strength is significant. But their fate in the struggle for full acceptance of gay people in our society is already sealed. Justice demands that our gay citizens be fully accepted and that their full rights, including the right to marry, be recognized. These great American institutions are faced with reality. They must change their minds. Facts, the flow of history and the demand for justice will not be denied.

Some people see mind changing as a sign of defeat. I see it as a virtue. I see mind changing as a tool needed to achieve a better life for us all. Mind changing is not wishy-washy. Mind changing is courageous. With grace to all, I pray that we will complete the mind changing process and learn to fully enjoy the presence of our gay sisters and brothers.

The Rev. Howard Bess is a retired American Baptist minister, who lives in Palmer. His email address is hdbss@mtaonline.net.

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