Already missing football

J's World, by Jeremiah Bartz

Football season has only been over for two weeks and it already feels like an eternity.

For some of us it has been an eternity. Especially if you are a Chicago Bear fan like me! But being a Bear fan, the season was like an eternity also, but no need to uncover that wound.

It is truly depressing to think that we have to wait another six months for football, and that is preseason.

The lazy Sundays that merely involve plopping yourself down in front of the tube with a bag of Doritos in one hand and a sixer in another are now gone.

You can still do that, but it just isn't the same.

I tried it last weekend, but found myself in agonizing pain as I flipped back and forth between Saved By the Bell reruns and highlights from the professional bowling tour. The closest thing we have to football now is the occasional rebroadcast of a college game on ESPN Classic or a rerun of "Coach" on Nickelodeon.

Also gone with football is our excuse to gamble. No more fantasy football, no more football pools. By March people will be getting desperate. At that time the "Survivor" and "American Idol" pools will be whipped out. Frontiersman Valley Life editor Casey Ressler has been rasslin' around with the idea of a "Joe Millionaire" or "Bachelorrate" pool. Personally I have been campaigning for the sequel to "Joe Millionaire", "Jay Millionaire."

Maybe ABC can gull some gullible women, convincing them that sports editors are in fact millionaires.

There is always arena football, but that just is not the same either. Football indoors is bad enough, but put it on a carpeted 50-yard field and it becomes more rediculas.

It is like playing hockey on an unfrozen pond. It just does not work.

For football fans our next source of excitement is the NFL Draft. At that time the true fans will wake up at the crack of dawn and wait more than 12 hours to watch your team select a player who will inevitably hold out half of training camp for a $10 million contract, while throughout the draft mumbling, 'Damn Mel Kiper, if only I could have your job."