Amazing Grace

WASILLA — The night of January 10th was dark and windy. In Nunley Park, dozens of people lit up the night with candles to remember the life of Kellsie Green and more than 200 others who lost their lives to addiction. Standing around burn barrels, lights and a microphone, Kellsie’s father, John Green and the Opioid Task Force hosted the second annual Candle Light Vigil.

“I hope that we can all find solace, patience and tolerance when looking at ones that are still battling their addiction,” said Karl Soderstrom, Co-Owner and Administrative Director of Fiend 2 Clean. “When I was battling mine, I was lost and I was broken.”

In their circle was the support of groups such as Fallen Up Ministries and Fiend 2 Clean- alongside other members of the community. John and various others spoke to share their experiences. They shared common messages of hope over despair and awareness over condemnation. The collective goal surfaced: the pursuit of awareness and understanding on a topic many felt touched the lives of everyone in the Mat-Su.

“It really honors me that all of you came out tonight to honor these amazing souls that we lost too soon,” Soderstrom said.

Pastor of the Good Shepherd Lutheran Church, Rick Cavens said he was there representing all of the church’s clergy, “who walk beside you.” He led a prayer with the group for “those that are broken and looking for hope; may those who are feeling the pain over someone they lost- know that indeed, the Lord is with you.”

The group nodded along with him.

“Hold your candle high as defiance against death and receive the blessing,” Cavens said.

Everyone raised their arms up high, candles flickering in the wind. Green thanked everyone for braving the cold, saying that day wasn’t “just the day his daughter died.” He and a few others read the names of over 200 people who died because of drugs or alcohol.

“It’s about recognizing her life and the lives of everyone we lost to addiction,” Green said.

Returning to Nunley Park reminded co-owner and operations director for Fiend 2 Clean, Kerby Kraus of how different his life used to be. Before he co-founded a peer-support program, he found sleep on public benches, including the single bench behind Nunley. No longer on the streets, Kraus said that if it weren’t for his community and many of his loved ones, he wouldn’t have made it.

“Being here, we can bring awareness to the people around us, and it allows us to talk about the reality of what’s going on. It gives us the strength to reach out to other people who are hurting; just to let them know that there is a loving hand,” Kraus said.

Kellsie Green died on Jan. 10, 2016, on the floor of a segregated jail cell due to dehydration and complications during detox.

“These people are more than just names on a list. They were born, they lived, they sang, they laughed, they were frustrated, and they struggled- but they were here,” John Green said.

He said that in spite of not being as understanding as he is now — he stands by he and his wife’s decision to not allow their daughter in the house and to eventually have her arrested. That was a decision he said he will wrestle with for the rest of his life.

“We need to highlight and educate our community on the issues that we face, day-in and day-out. This is a reality for all of us. It’s going to take a community to find a solution,” Soderstrom said.

Homeless and addicted to heroin, Kellsie had a warrant for failure to complete community service. She called her parents asking if she could come home. He said that she wanted to get help, but in her attempts to “be OK” or “feel normal” she struggled. They saw this as a chance for her to detox and finally get treatment. This scenario is played out with hundreds of families in the Mat-Su each year.

“There is life on the other side,” Kraus said. “Today I get the opportunity to be a father, a husband and a business owner; and to give others hope and opportunity and careers. I’m super thankful for that. I love you all. You’ve touched my heart.”

Vice President of Fallen Up Miniseries, Mark Weaver was at the mic throughout the event and lingered long after the last of the stragglers remained. He talked to John and listened to the stories of parents who lost their children and siblings who lost their brothers and sisters.

“I don’t think there’s anybody who hasn’t been impacted by this. It’s a constant thing in our community,” said Jennie Johnston.

Green continues to push for improved treatment options and availability across the board, particularly in jail. He wants to see more open beds and shorter waiting lists inside and outside prison walls. He felt that the jails were “ill prepared, if not negligent, and void of compassion.” According to Green, there were only 14 detox beds available in the whole state, making admission “nearly impossible.” He said that “virtually all” rehabilitation clinics require clients to be detoxed first. Long waiting lists continue to this day. Green and his wife saw little option other than jail with such sparse options for treatment.

“Let’s start treatment as soon as they’re arrested,” Weaver said. “They may have that moment of clarity.”

Before the crowd dispersed, one woman who lost some she cared about sang the first stanza of Amazing Grace with everybody.

Amazing Grace, How sweet the sound, That saved a wretch like me

I once was lost, but now am found, T'was blind but now I see.

“And that’s all I know,” she laughed before giving John a tearful hug.

Another woman, Amanda approached John after the Vigil. People exchanged stories and encouragement, some hugging each other. At various stages of grieving, people somberly swapped “what ifs” while reminding each other not to dwell on them.

“There’s a lot of people here today who are proof that there is hope,” Kraus said.

Those remaining crowded around a burn barrel, stacking more wood on the fire. They talked for an hour, as others left or warmed up in the Gathering Grounds Café.

“This kind of thing helps people through the process. It makes them feel less alone,” Amanda said.

Soderstrom beckoned his peers to cotinine to stand up and talk about this issue and remember our loved ones and be a part of the solution moving forward.

“That’s the only true emotion that lasts right?” Soderstrom said. “It’s love; it’s what brought us here tonight.”