At-home mothers are bucking modern trend

Sept. 4, 2005

JOEL DAVIDSON\Frontiersman reporter

MAT-SU - It may not immediately stand out, but a familiar yet rapidly fading scene from modern American life unfolded last week in Wasilla.

Just before 1 p.m., four young mothers sat in a semi-circle at the Wasilla Multi-Use Sports Complex. Their children ran barefoot across the artificial turf, chasing each other, laughing and occasionally asking their mothers to witness feats of skill or strength.

The women, one pregnant, talked about children, friendships and summer adventures.

With more than 70 percent of American mothers now in the work force, these women know they are becoming increasingly rare.

In 1975, only 47 percent of mothers with children under 18 years old worked. Over the last quarter century, that percentage has, with few exceptions, steadily increased. As more mothers choose to enter the work force, those who stay home often feel isolated and even abnormal at times.

"Moms that work look at us like we are nuts," said Simona Benshetler, Palmer resident and mother of three young kids. "We are with the kids all the time - we do everything with kids."

Benshetler is a member of MOMS Club International, a global organization that supports stay-at-home mothers. "MOMS" stands for "Moms Offering Moms Support." With more than 2,000 chapters and about 100,000 members, the club reaches out to a large but shrinking group of full-time moms.

"I think we know we are not the norm right now but the mom club fills a void that was left because so many moms have decided to go back to work," Gina Stevenson said last week from her home in Washington state. Stevenson is MOMS Club coordinator for Alaska and Hawaii.

"If you think about in the 1950s, all those moms stayed at home and all those women socialized and talked over the fence," Stevenson said. "It's a different time now and a different culture. This gives moms, for just a moment, that same kind of socialization."

Club events include park outings, field trips, hikes, holiday parties and other activities that allow kids to play while moms socialize, exchange mothering tips and support each other.

In Alaska, MOMS Clubs currently exist in Anchorage, Eagle River, Wasilla and Palmer. The two Mat-Su groups boast between 60 and 70 moms, with more joining each year.

First founded in 1983, MOMS Club began when an at-home California mom, Mary James, decided she was tired of being alone at home with the kids. She wanted to meet other at-home moms with children her kids could play with. Unable to find an organization that met during the day and allowed her to attend with her baby and preschooler, James started her own club.

Palmer resident Dee Chasse gave up a full-time career to stay at home with her four children. As a three-year member and now president of the Palmer MOMS Club, Chasse said being a full-time mom is challenging.

"Sometimes I wish I could go back to work," she said last week. "I miss the adult contact and sometimes you can get overwhelmed with four children, cleaning the house and making dinner."

Ultimately, though, Chasse said being home is filled with rewards that are difficult to measure. "With the children it has been wonderful," she said. "When I was at work, I always felt like I was missing out. The baby sitter would call and say that my daughter took her first step or said a new word. You have to weigh your priorities."

Often, with only one parent working, MOMS Club members cite finances as a big challenge to staying at home with their kids.

"You drive old cars, you eat out less and you have a tighter budget," Benshetler said. "We don't worry about jewelry or new clothes - the things that are not necessary. We just worry about the kids and things that are important."

Despite the sacrifices, Benshetler echoed the sentiments of other club members.

"The reward is being able to see my kids grow up," she said. "This time will never come back. I want to cherish every single moment."

Contact Joel Davidson at 352-2266, or joel.davidson@frontiersman.com.