At the Plate: The biggest game of all

For maybe the oldest and most tiresome of all holidays centered around the dinner table, I will employ the oldest and tiredest of all of the sports clichés.

Big players make big plays in big games.

The old adage applies to Thanksgiving most accurately. Whether you’re giving thanks with friends, giving friends with thanks, or you’re still on a sugar rush from the leftover Halloween stash, Thanksgiving is the biggest day of all at the plate, save for maybe Super Bowl Sunday, but that depends on your level of sports fandom. Friends, family, kids hiding their grades while they’re home from their first semester of college, and new significant others will meet at the dinner table for the most important test of all.

Thanksgiving Day.

If you are going to shine under the bright lights and bring home the championship, you’ve got to have a steady approach at the plate. This column is not to steer you clear of one food group or another, claiming supremacy. (If I were to do that, it would be the green bean casserole, leave all of that for me). No, this column is to teach you how to eat everything! You can’t go into a big game expecting to get beat, you have to be able to adapt. Here’s my strategy to get the most at the plate on turkey day.

Batting practice

Sneaking food, or snitching, is not only encouraged, but the deviance in which you pilfer food is an art form. Deviled eggs should magically disappear hours before dinnertime. You should probably have to break out a second sleeve of crackers for that salmon dip about 20 minutes before game time.

What’s the most dangerous food to get a taste of before the big meal?

Obviously, if you can sneak a bite of the turkey, you’re doing your job right. Get those extra hacks in before the game to make sure you’re sharp, hitting the ball low and hard to both sides of the field. Try the light meat and the dark meat for an opposite field slap. Get a taste of the turkey while it’s being carved and you’ve prepared your two-strike approach.

First at-bat: Plate 1

Don’t try to do too much. Keep it simple. Look fastball, take what they give you. Don’t let your eyes get huge over that first strike up in the zone. Stay within your swing. You’re learning as much about the competition as you are yourself in the first AB. Don’t load up with 10 slices of turkey right away. Don’t take that full scoop of mashed potatoes right away. Get you a sampler platter. Find all of the new dishes at the table brought by new T-giving guests and see what they bring to the plate. See what really brought their A-game. Is the stuffing dry? Are the mashed potatoes lumpy? In your first at bat, find out who’s going to be a threat in the later innings.

Second at-bat: Plate 2

Break out the big stick, because it’s time to do some yard work! Your second at bat is the most crucial. You know what they’re throwing you, you know where the defense is playing, and barring any late relief of dishes you didn’t know would be at the plate when the lineup cards were written, this will be the last time through the order for the starter.

Take them daddy hacks!

Get all the turkey. Let the mashed potatoes slide over the turkey, almost covering them. Let the green beans mix in with all of it, pour gravy over the whole thing. Make you a T-giving soup, you just make sure that plate is clean in the second at bat. If you didn’t get right before the big game, or you struck out in your first time up, make sure you get solid contact in the second AB. A wise coach once told another player,(definitely not me) that the way to get out of a slump is to go up to the plate and take nine solid hacks. For all those of you who had a life and never played baseball, that’s three swings for three at bats.

Try to keep up.

In your second at bat, you will have the knowledge of who the heavy hitters on the table are and you’ll know where your stomach’s limit is. Make sure you make solid contact, but don’t hurt yourself before the game is over.

Third at-bat: Plate 3

If your team is a good one, you’ve run the starting pitcher at this point. The gravy’s running low and the stuffing is long gone. The dark meat has a small pile of picked-through pieces and the light meat pile has barely been touched. Seriously, who likes the light meat?!

The late innings are where championships are won and lost. Your stomach has not finished feeding on the delicious bounty, but you’re losing steam. Your mind knows you’re starting to lose it before your body does. Do not listen to the voices in your head, you can definitely polish off the mashed potatoes. You are not guaranteed a fourth time at the plate unless you’re fruitful in your third appearance. Make the most of it. I like to take a first-plate strategy on my third plate. If you can get the last little bits of the last remaining morsels of the best dishes, you’ve moved the runners and you’re ready for that late inning drama.

Fourth at-bat: Dessert

If you’ve listened to my sage advice thus far, there’s no way you’ve still got room for dessert. You waved goodbye to any chance at having energy for the last time at the plate long ago during the second AB when you had to get more turkey — twice.

The belt is gone, it nearly broke the buckle when you stood up, and the chair lost the structural integrity to hold me and all that Thanksgiving goodness I’m hiding in my stomach. This is a technique I make sure never to teach any baseball players ever, swinging out of your hind parts. Even though you know you’ve got nothing left, load that smaller dessert plate up with just as many carbs as you fit on the big dinner plate. Don’t just take one piece of every pie, take two pieces of pecan. Take that plate to the couch, nibble twice, and fall asleep watching the Cowgirls lose. Make it a dangerous game, take another bite of pie any time Colt McCoy is sacked or Dak throws a pick. You can be happy staring at that plate of pie crusts you couldn’t finish, knowing it was the only thing you couldn’t finish on Thanksgiving day.

Tee work

If the tryptophan didn’t get you, earn bonus points by washing some dishes during commercials! As for me, I’m thankful for food, baseball, newspapers, and watching Die Hard (a Christmas movie) with a turkey sandwich at about 10:30 p.m. Thursday night.

Frontiersman reporter Tim Rockey combines his two greatest loves, food and baseball, in his column At the Plate. Contact Rockey at tim.rockey@frontiersman.com. Send Thanksgiving leftovers to Tim Rockey, 5751 Mayflower Court, Wasilla.