At the Plate: The Super Bowl of eating

The word ‘bowl’ is in the title of the big game for a reason. In case you’ve been living under a rock, Jared Goff, Sean McVay, and the rest of the St. Louis … I mean Los Angeles … Rams will be meeting Terrific Tommy and the evil empire for the biggest game of the year.

This weekend bustles with social activity for the sake of dusting off the winter blues. Even if you don’t care at all about football, you will likely find yourself in front of a buffet and a television screen Sunday, and you need to be prepared. Super Bowl Sunday is the Super Bowl of food-centric holidays. Every grillmaster and amateur chef pulls out all the stops for this weekend. While there is an innumerable amount of options for what is the best snack while watching Aaron Donald flex over Tom Brady (we can only hope), I will not be at your Super Bowl party. I have attended various gatherings over the years and found the best place to watch the game, and I’m not telling where. I will, however, tell you how to tackle the tastiest treats that Sunday will have to offer with my list of top five ways to score with your tastebuds.

Fried things

A map has been circulating on the interwebs that came from Google Trends and lists nachos as the Last Frontier’s most uniquely searched Super Bowl food. While I love nachos almost as much as I love tacos, this doesn’t leave a whole lot of room for creativity. If your party doesn’t have something delicious that has been fried, instantly making it more delicious, leave. Halftime shows are for stocking and restocking for the start of the second half. If your party doesn’t have deep fried Oreos, Twinkies, pickles, and more, you should probably find a better party. While it’s not necessarily a Super Bowl food, I’m partial to fried bits of halibut with some barbecue sauce. The fact of the matter is that this is not a holiday for football, it’s a holiday for eating. And if someone you know brings a vegetable tray to your Super Bowl party, they are no longer your friend. This continuous meal whilst watching the gargantuans of the gridiron is made for eating all of the delicious buffet items, twice. Hit the fried foods in the first half.

Desserts

Desserts can be simple and effective, like a plate of brownies or chocolate chip cookies. An innovative design for a dessert I saw at a recent Super Bowl party was sushi made with various pieces of sugar coated candies. Pick the desserts you like and keep them close by. If Greg “The Leg” Zuerlein makes a sweet game-winning field goal, you’re not going to want to have to get up to the picked-through buffet table to get the last of the goods. Proper consumption of desserts is like a good defense. Stock up before halftime so that you’re strong up front and stingy in the secondary.

Beverages

There is no better compliment to savory than sweet. Like a good running attack opens up the passing game, be diligent with your commitment to hydration. If you’re planning to eat copious amounts of meat, I recommend a glass of sweet tea. Beware of using too much soda to wash down all the wings and ending up with a high-pressure situation in the fourth quarter. For those readers 21 and older, don’t commit a penalty. Don’t drink and drive on Super Bowl Sunday. If you do choose to consume responsibly, I suggest looking to your local brewery for their best. Palmer has a variety of local brewers, and I would much rather open up the ice chest to see a local beverage than something on the cheaper side. As I’m sure Rob Gronkowski has said at least once in his bodacious life, “Go big or go home.” Again, do not both go big and then go home. Drink responsibly.

Meat

Ah, yes, the reason we actually gather once a year. For the love of barbecue, can we get some reliable and delicious chicken wing delivery in the Valley? The options are almost as limitless as the plays on Tommy Terrific’s wristband. Ribs are a great idea. I’m thinking about them right now and I think they’re a great idea. But choosing the most efficient meat delivery system is valuable in being able to focus on the game will you fill your face. If you’re running out of idea for what to bring to your party, fry up some bacon. Who doesn’t love bacon? Nobody doesn’t love bacon.

More meat

For those overachievers, the halftime Super Bowl burger is a special delicacy. I’ve been a Super Bowl pizza kind of guy more than once in my life, and that is also a valid and efficient meat delivery system. As much shade as I threw at nachos earlier in this column, they are also a very efficient way to graze on the goods. Just like Todd Gurley, feed early and often with the available meat. Chicken wings are king, and they will go fast. Once you’ve gotten the meat you need, go back for the meat you want. Reignite your desire for the big game with a perfectly planned plate for the fourth quarter drive. When you’re full at halftime, remember there is oh, so much more game to go.

Gumbo

Just for Marcus Peters.

Frontiersman reporter Tim Rockey combines his two greatest loves, food and baseball, in his At the Plate column. Contact Rockey at tim.rockey@frontiersman.com.