BACON RACIN’

PALMER — In the end, Kenai was left to wallow in his victory.

After three grueling heats around a semi-carefully prepared track, the portly little porker brought home the bacon as the winner of the first Kenai Peninsula Racing Pigs event Monday at the Alaska State Fair.

“The pigs are in the starting gate!” exclaimed event emcee Ken “Curly” McMeans of Fables of the West, urging the crowd at the Pebble Corral to back his pick, No. 10 Kenai. “Let’s hear it for Team Curly, No. 10! The flag is up … and there they go!”

Out of the gate, Van, sporting No. 2 on his bib, took an early lead on the inside of the track, but lost ground going into the final turn of the 120-yard race. And the pair didn’t disappoint, with Kenai making a strong surge on the backstretch to force a near photo finish.

In the end, it was Kenai by a snout.

The action was enough to make the crowd squeal with delight, especially the Lawton children. Palmer residents Steven and Wendy Lawton brought five of their six children to watch the porcine prodigies.

“It was really funny,” said Audrey, 11, who pointed out her choice, Grizzly in the first heat, didn’t quite make it to the finals. “I was going for No. 6. It looks like, they’re just, like, going in a straight line, but curving at the same time. It’s funny (how the pigs run), ’cause they’re, like, running sideways almost.”

The pint-sized piggies may appear slow, but they’re fine-tuned athletic machines, said Lara McGinnis, pig wrangler and general manager of the Kenai Peninsula State Fair.

“They are professional racing pigs, make no mistake,” she said. “This is the real deal.”

As proof, McMeans described why he’s so high on these hogs.

“These pigs have to pass a rigorous calisthenics program,” he said. “They have to be able to do 500 jumping jacks for those pigs to be on this team. And watching pigs do jumping jacks should go viral on YouTube, I’m telling you.”

At stake for those rooting for their favorite was bragging rights, and for the racers a chance to pig out on Oreo cookies.

“Well, would you run for Oreos?” asked McGinnis. “I would. It’s a hoot. We run two heats and a grudge match with the winners of each heat. And I don’t know if people come to watch the pigs race or watch us get all mucky handling them.”

But never, ever — under any circumstances — try to ply the pigs with anything but original Oreos, McMeans cautioned.

“They like the double-stuffed ones, but we’re too cheap to buy them,” McGinnis said.

“They have to be real Oreos, not imitations,” added McMeans. “Pigs have a better sense of smell than dogs, and they can tell the difference between the real thing and an off-brand. They’ll quit running if you try to pass them something else.”

Along with Van, winner of the first heat, and Kenai, winner of the second, the crowd cheered and jeered all the competitors: Horizon, Silver, Chinook and Grizzly. They also had some good-natured boos for a couple that admitted to be visiting from Washington, D.C.

Asked what breed makes the best racing pig, McMeans is quick to quip: “They’re a Point MacKenzie thoroughbred pig.”

As Steven Lawton watched the pigs make impressive sprints and hairpin turns (not including the first heat, where the pork decided to park in the final turn to do a little grazing) he opined that keeping track of six kids is probably less challenging than racing the finely tuned swine.

“What’s easier?” he said. “It looks like handling the children is easier. Those pigs are all over the place.”

When the curtain falls on their racing careers, what happens to the pigs?

“Well, we don’t like to talk about that,” McMeans said. “Let’s put it this way: They get adopted by some nice family in Connecticut.”

Contact Greg Johnson at greg.johnson@frontiersman.com or 352-2269.