Ballot-eating dogs, POGOWAGs and cell phones

MAT-SU MOUTH

AMERICAN FLAGS EVERYWHERE -- They're on some of the strangest places. Not only are they affixed to Valley windows, but they're painted on lunch boxes, on outhouse doors, fingernails and fuel oil tanks. Flags are tattooed on hip bones. Construction helmets are decorated with the stars and stripes. And many a tattered flag whips from truck tailgates.

WINNERS AND LOSERS -- You can tell a lot about people when they win or lose. Some are gracious and humble winners. Some gloat. Some crow. Some losers are bitter. Some are thoughtful.

In the latest round of borough elections, we saw all of the above.

Please remember that anyone who ran for office was a registered player and deserves recognition for playing the game. After all, this is a democracy, as evidenced by all the American flag reminders.

One losing candidate received offensive phone calls. Another comment heard was "They're jumping for joy, like the Palestinians." These ignorant actions and comments are insensitive and speak for themselves.

"Democracy has to rise up and not be passive." This is a quote from Sen. Ted Stevens and his words are more important than ever. When people make hurtful and inaccurate remarks, it is important not to be passive.

It is our democratic responsibility to correct the ignorant and communicate with civility.

Comparing local land-use politics to the Antichrist or international terrorism is really overstating the problem. Our Valley is simply a democracy where things change and the population votes accordingly.

How are we to get along globally if we can't even communicate at a local level?

THEORIED PARANOIA -- Here are the various theories overheard regarding the close results of the last election:

A large red dog ate 13 important ballots.

A covert undercover computer operative manipulated the files.

One hundred twenty election officials were bought off with oatmeal cookies.

More than three UFOs actually voted in Big Lake.

This is what makes democracy so great. With unlimited imaginations, we have the fantastic freedom to speak.

The only infraction proven true by the election judges was an especially ardent voter who double voted -- an early vote at Cottonwood Creek Mall, and then enthusiastically again on voting day.

CROGLODYTES AND POGOWAGS -- There are so many new Valley acronyms and groups. Everyone knows about EMS, MEA, MTA, VACE, VPA, FoMS, MSPO, AND FoHP. But here are some new ones, all with righteous causes:

CROGS: Committee to Restore Open and Honest Government

POGOWAG: Previously Ousted Government Officials with an Ax to Grind

CASFA: Current Assembly Seatholder . . . For Awhile

ZONERS: Zealous One-issue NIMBYS (Not in my Back Yard) Embracing Regulations

SOGGS: Sour Old Grape Gripers

INNUMBS: Intrusive Nuisances Not in My Borough

RUGGS: Regular Underdog Government Groupies

and finally:

BOROUGHLICIOUS -- This is the Valley adjective used to describe the deep chocolate cake with white sugar icing. Along with punch, the borough cake was served to the public to celebrate the end of yet another election season.

NEW SIGNS -- There are new signs in the Mat-Su Borough Assembly chambers. The signs instruct everyone to "Turn cell phones off during meetings." The first infraction of the rule was none other than the newest assembly member, Bruce Bush. He looked sheepish as he quickly silenced his phone.

WELCOME -- The MOUTH welcomes the two assembly members, Ms. Jansen and Mr. Bush. May you say many interesting things and offer many quotable comments.

MARCHING ORDERS -- New assembly member Bruce Bush received his public instructions from his predecessor, assembly member Larry DeVilbiss.

Larry, the King of Carrots, offered his departing views on how a junk ordinance equated with class warfare.

He told the seated assembly to "Be nice to Bruce. He might be a farmer but he's not dumb."

The MOUTH wishes Mr. DeVilbiss well as a new school board member. Keep the quotes coming.

THE MOUTH WONDERS:

Is it true that Mayor Anderson stumbled over the use of nouns by mistaking recall for recount?

Is it true that assembly member DeVilbiss' voting machine was "turned off" at his last meeting, after the election was certified?

Is it true that "assembly member DeVilbiss has some mighty big shoes to fill," according to assembly member Kelly?

Is it true that former assembly member DeVilbiss has a size 10 shoe size?

Infamous borough scribe Barbara Hunt puts words in the Mouth every month. If you have questions, tips or suggestions, please fax them to her at 376-8059 or to her attention at the Frontiersman at 352-2276, or you may mail them or drop them off at 5751 E. Mayflower Ct., Wasilla AK 99654. The Mouth is also accessible on the Internet at bhunt@alaska.net. Confidentiality will be respected. Accuracy required and good taste requested.