BIG LOVE

MAT-SU — Even though Robyn Hillman throws like a girl, Tristan Wake still likes to hang out with her.

Wasilla High School senior class president Robyn Hillman, 17, has plenty on her plate in addition to the usual distractions that come with being a teen-ager. But that doesn’t stop her from carving out some one-on-one time with 9-year-old Tristan.

Hillman is one of dozens of older teens and adults who volunteer to be big brothers or big sisters with the Mat-Su chapter of Big Brothers Big Sisters of Alaska. And like her little (in BBBS speak, mentors are “bigs,” while the kids are “littles”), Robyn is a middle child.

“Last year, I had a little sister (through the program) and that was pretty easy, because we had a lot in common,” she said. “It’s really interesting having a little brother. It’s really fun. I like it a lot.”

So does Tristan. Being the middle child — his older brother is 11 and youngest is 4 — sometimes leaves the Iditarod Elementary School third-grader feeling a little left out, said his mother, Tina Wake.

“He’s the middle child, so he doesn’t get all the new stuff, then we had another baby, which takes attention,” she said. Having a big sister through BBBS “has seemed to help. He’s especially excited when his big sister comes. He likes to play games with her and spend that time. I have three boys, so it’s nice for him to be with an older female and makes him feel special. It’s something he has for himself.”

When Robyn and Tristan get together, they play board games or toss a football around, Robyn said, adding she’s not the greatest at football.

“It’s fun for me to have an hour to just hang out and be a kid again,” she said.

Tristan said his big “throws kinda like a girl,” but is fun to be around. “We play Uno and football. She’s really smart and talks with me, and stuff. She’s cool.”

The bond Robyn and Tristan have formed is just one example of the dozens of Valley men and women who are stepping up to mentor the younger generation, said Sarah Gail, development director and support specialist for the Valley chapter of BBBS of Alaska. Contrary to what some people believe, every child needs a positive mentor in their lives, and BBBS isn’t only for troubled children or kids from one-parent homes.

“A mentor for BBBS is really a person who has the time to spend with someone younger than them who they can share things with, hang out with,” she said. “I had a big who recently signed up and had been a big in another state. He said what he learned was the simple stuff people usually don’t think about. He found that sometimes he couldn’t think of anything extra special to plan, so he and his little changed his oil. The kid told him later that that was the coolest thing they did together. It’s really just about spending the time.”

In 2010, BBBS served more than 70 children through 42 matches with bigs in the Valley, she said. Asked who benefits the most from the mentor-mentee relationship, Gail said it depends on who is asked.

“If you ask the big, they’ll probably tell you they do,” she said. “I think they both benefit equally. Maybe with a kid who’s struggling in school with some behavior issues or grades, getting a little extra attention may make a difference.”

Not a babysitter

Being a big is truly a mentor position, said Marie Vanwingerden, a big sister for 7-year-old Emily Racenet. Being an adult, Marie said she has to be aware that she’s Emily’s friend, not her parent or babysitter.

“In the summer, we go to the Little Su and look under rocks,” Marie said. “I think we’re both kind-of tomboys. She doesn’t mind getting her hands dirty, so it’s great.”

For Emily, the bond she’s developed with her big has made a large difference in her life, said her mother, Rebecca Racenet.

“She’s the middle child, and my youngest daughter, Caitlin, has a chronic disease that requires a lot of attention,” she said.

Add to that her father also recently suffered a stroke, and there is a lot of Rebecca’s energy going to others in the family. So, she called BBBS.

“I really felt Emily could benefit from some one-on-one time that was special just for her,” she said. “From there, she was matched with just a wonderful person she really enjoys spending time with. I can really see the benefit. She’s more self-confident, fun, and she seems more relaxed and very happy to have that time just for her. She’s normally very shy, but seems very comfortable around Marie.”

Emily lights up when talking about her big sister.

“It’s really kind-of cool, like, I get to, like, play games with her and do art with her and all that kind-of stuff,” Emily said. “I like going places with her.”

At the Little Su River, she enjoys looking under the rocks.

“This one time, I found, like, a really weird creature,” she said. “It had weird legs that looked like a stick.”

Although the pair usually spend a set time together each week, just before the Christmas break the Snowshoe Elementary second-grader was surprised and moved when Marie attended her school concert.

“The best face I have ever seen Emily make is after her Christmas concert,” Rebecca said. “Dad had to stay home while I went. After the concert, I went back to the classroom and she didn’t realize Marie was there. She just cried and you could see she was so happy.”

Emily said seeing Marie at the concert made a big impression.

“I was really, really surprised,” she said. “I kind-of, like, didn’t know she was there, so I was too surprised to even talk. It meant something really special and made me very, very happy.”

‘Win-win situation’

Making the decision to become a mentor in a young person’s life isn’t one to be taken lightly, said Lauren Kruer, who’s been matched with Lexi Flowers since June 2007.

“I’ve always been involved in kids programs, and I actually wanted to be a teacher and ended up not going that way in life,” Lauren said.

A Mat-Su Borough employee, she got involved with BBBS through a partnership with the organization and borough.

For her, being a mentor is cyclical.

“When I was younger, I went to YMCA day camp and I had a lot of really great counselors there and had a really great mentor,” she said. “The concept and that time I spent with her really stuck with me. I thought, ‘I could do that for somebody.’ It’s been a win-win situation for me, because I’m far away from family — and I have a big family. So, to make a connection and have that family feeling is part of that winning feeling for me.”

That BBBS is only for troubled kids “is a myth and a crock,” Lauren said. “It’s just not true, and I tell people that all the time. Every family has its own baggage. I don’t care if you’re Martha Stewart or not, you’re never going to have a perfect family.”

In Alaska, BBBS can play an important role of providing mentors to children of military families, Gail said.

Having mom or dad away for long periods of time “can be a hard thing for a kid to understand,” she said. “They don’t get that face-to-face time with that parent, but the purpose of BBBS is not about replacing parents. We also have military who are bigs.”

For Marie and Emily, Tuesday is their special day each week. Recently Emily made her big some Easy-Bake cookies.

“They were delicious,” Marie said.

Emily likes to bake with her Easy-Bake Oven, but admitted she can’t wait until the snow melts. That’s when Emily and her big sister can go look under rocks again.

Contact Greg Johnson at greg.johnson@frontiersman.com or 352-2269.

LETTERS TO BIGS

Below are letters from participants in the Mat-Su chapter of Big Brothers Big Sisters of Alaska. They are reprinted as submitted:

Dear Cathy,

THANK YOU for all that you do for me, and for all the gifts. Especially the one from Germany! He’s my favorite!! I miss seeing you and can’t wait to see you again really soon. Hope you have a good Christmas, and Santa Claus gives you what you really wanted for Christmas.

Lots of hugs and kisses,

Makenzie

To My Big Sister, Robyn

Thank you so much for coming and playing games with me. Also, thank you for the Nerf dart set.

From Tristan

Dear Big Sister (Marie),

I feel so lucky that I know you. You are so nice and fun. I like watching movies with you, I like computer time with you, and I especially like looking for bugs and river animals with you. I remember when we found a caterpillar that was very creepy — but cool. I like to go on nature walks and stuff with you, and it’s also fun when we do things like make smores and watch fish together. I like playing with you and doing craft stuff like making hair bows. I have a lot of fun with you. Thank you for making me feel special and spending your time with me. I am so glad we are friends and I hope we are friends for a long time. Thanks!

Your Little Sister,

(Emily)

Hi my name is McKinley and I’m in the Big Brothers, Big Sisters Program. Mae is my Big Sister. When we first began to go out again we went to get our nails done and it was so fun, another time we went to Chili’s. I am so glad me and her were matched and if I was able to, I would tell everyone to join the big brothers, big sisters program. It is so much fun and I would do anything to be in this program, there is nothing I would rather do. Mae, thank you soooo much for being part of my life and taking me out all the time, I love it.

McKinley

Thank you Joe for being my Big Brother. I want to thank you for choosing me as your Little. I thank you for taking time out for me and doing things with me. I enjoy all the things we do together and the memories we make. Thank you for letting me come over to hang out, sleep over on weekends, for taking me fishing, snowmobiling, sledding, having bonfires, cookouts, going different places and so much more. Mostly for being my friend. I have the best Big Brother ever.

Thank you,

Trenten