Blotter

Just looking for a tow

Troopers got a report about someone looking sketchy in Kasilof on Feb. 21. Turns out the guy’s car was stuck in a ditch and he was looking for help to get out. The guy confirmed he was driving and told troopers he didn’t have a drivers license. Troopers cited him for not having one. No word on if he got his car out of the ditch.

(Insert crabs joke here)

Wildlife troopers in Juneau cited a Gustavus resident on Feb. 21 for keeping an undersize Tanner crab while commercial fishing. Troopers contacted him while his boat was dropping off the haul in Juneau. Maybe he was just keeping it as a pet. It’s name could have been Crabby and the two would sail the high seas together, hand in claw. Goodbye Crabby. It was great while it lasted.

Party Fiesta

Troopers contacted a man in Soldotna on Feb. 23. He was cited for a misdemeanor. His crime? Driving a Ford Fiesta. Not really. The report doesn’t say why troopers initially pulled him over, but they must have assumed anyone driving a car that looks like that must be on drugs, because the guy had heroin on him. Troopers issued him a citation for misconduct involving a controlled substance in the fourth degree. He was released from the scene, free to drive his Fiesta to score some more heroin to calm down from his brush with police.

On the Road

A guy was standing on the road near mile 93 of the Seward Highway on Feb. 23, so highway patrol officers contacted him. Officers investigated and found that the Anchorage resident had cocaine and “other controlled substances” which violated his probation. He tried to tamper with the evidence and resisted arrest. The guy was charged with multiple counts of misconduct involving a controlled substance, tampering with physical evidence, violating conditions of release and resisting arrest.

Rough weekend

Highway patrol officers were called out to a vehicle collision on the Seward Highway on Feb. 25. Looking into the situation, officers found out that the female driver was heading south in her pickup and hit a moose around mile 102. The driver lost control after the collision and ended up in the ditch. Fortunately the driver and her male passenger were wearing seat belts and no one was hurt. Unfortunately for the passenger, he had a warrant for his arrest for failure to appear for a no valid operators license charge. The moose got the rawest end of the deal, because it had to be killed due to its injuries.

What’s a bit of stabbing among friends?

A 57-year-old guy in Fairbanks went a little nuts on his friend Feb. 11. According the the Fairbanks Daily News-Miner a man called police because his roommate was getting a little stabby. The roommate apparently got mad for some reason after the two had finished watching a movie. The guy had gone to bed, but for some reason the angry roommate decided to stab the man’s bedroom door a couple of times. The pillow got the worst of it, as the roommate apparently stabbed it close to the man’s head, saying “I’m going to kill you.” Maybe the pillow was the target of the roommate’s rage, but the guy probably didn’t like all the stabbing going on and somehow managed to lock himself in his room. When police arrived, the angry roommate refused to open the door, so police had to force entry. The angry roommate was charged with felony third-degree assault. The status of the men’s friendship is unknown.