Bring on the ham

Resslin' Around by Casey Ressler

What do you get when you take a 24-pound bird, roast 'er up good and only have five people for Thanksgiving dinner?

You get turkey salad, turkey sandwiches, turkey pot pie, turkey quesadillas and any other dish you can cram turkey into. And then you get to start the entire leftover cycle again the week following Thanksgiving. And again come the middle of December. And one more time for New Year's.

I like turkey, but in the last few weeks, I have consumed enough tryptophan -- the enzyme in turkey that makes you sleepy -- that I'm becoming borderline narcoleptic. Right after I eat lunch every day (the turkey club wrap is becoming a favorite) I cuddle up around my keyboard -- and not sports editor Jeremiah Bartz, thankfully -- for a little nappy-poo. I simply can't stop myself from doing it. When I wake up, I have around 467 column inches of "zzzda;sdkjfasdj" on my screen and an imprint of the "k" key on my forehead. My productivity has decreased, but then again, so has the five-gallon Tupperware bucket filled with our turkey leftovers.

The other night, my wife worked late and I was on my own for dinner. It was like the situation was heaven-sent. It was my one chance, and I seized it -- I made a giant pepperoni pizza and threw it in the oven. When it came out, I dove into that gorgeous pie like I hadn't had a meal in five months, or at least since I ate those five Krispy Kremes the other day.

"Dad, are you going to eat that whole pizza?" my daughter, Madison asked.

"YES. I LOVE IT," I grumbled as sauce wandered down my chin and onto my shirt.

After shoveling that bundle of cheese and meat into my piehole, I started feeling guilty. "I wonder if Tracy will know I didn't eat turkey?" I thought to myself. So I scattered a few pieces of turkey on the cutting board.

Thankfully, I've only got 47 more turkey sandwiches to go until it's gone. By that time, we'll probably have a 24-pound ham cooking for Christmas dinner.

Casey Ressler (valleylife@frontiersman.com) is the Valley Life editor.