Chaplains listen – and so should you

“How are you doing?”

It’s a common question. We hear it all the time. Everywhere we go, people ask us, “How are you doing?” and we impulsively respond “I’m fine” or “Good.”

Then one day I noticed people started to also respond “good” when I said “hello.” Has the question about someone’s well-being and a common greeting become interchangeable? Do “How are you doing?” and “Hello” both elicit a textbook response? It seems so.

There is no longer much care or concern for people when we ask them how they’re doing. It’s a common question with a common answer.

Have you ever heard anyone respond with anything other than “Good” or “Fine”?

A few times people really told me how they were doing. I was definitely caught off guard. It’s become almost culturally unacceptable to tell others what’s really going on. You’re just supposed to say “good” and move on.

Unfortunately most of our lives are run by the tyranny of the urgent.

Rather than talk face-to-face, we send emails. Rather than talk on the phone, we text. We engage in behavior that isolates ourselves from others.

The wingman or battle buddy concept goes against this cultural norm; it is based on listening to the needs of others.

Without truly listening to our wingmen, we cannot help them. Without knowing what’s really going on, we cannot provide solutions. And in order to listen, you need to be there.

As a chaplain, I commonly explain my role as “walking alongside people during difficult times.” Listening is key; one of my most important jobs is to listen to people.

A lot of people come to my office after they have been blown off by others or had their needs disregarded.

I listen. Listening is therapeutic. It lets others know they and what they have to say are both equally important. Being present during a difficult time is the best gift we can give someone who is hurting.

Nothing compounds suffering more than being abandoned or disregarded by those around you.

A key part of leadership at all levels is being a caring servant.

This means understanding those you work with and being attentive to their needs.

It is everyone’s duty to walk alongside those around us during difficult times because this is when they need us most.

Listeners are more than problem solvers. They are a presence during times of need. Often, people merely need our presence and not our answers or our opinions. They need someone to ask, “How are you doing?” and for that person to truly listen to everything they have to say.

May God grant us each the grace to care deeply and to listen well.