Chlorine plants, pinch points and helpful carrot farmers

Mat-Su Mouth

CHEMICAL PLANT COMMENTS — The specter of a chlorine plant in the valley is nothing new.

Borough hotshots are in shock — acting as if a chemical land use is totally new and unexpected.

In the ‘80s it was DOW. In the ‘90s it was MIDREX. Chemical processes are nothing new — especially considering the growing number of "private," yet illegal meth labs.

The point is this. If a chemical plant is market driven, it can and WILL locate in the Valley. It is legal. It could happen beside a neighborhood. Beside a church. Or beside a school. There are no borough ordinances or regulations restricting or guiding this type of development.

The saddest part is the borough's standard reactive nature.

They will act appalled. They will act concerned. They will act sorry. But they won't act in advance.

LAND USE LOTTERY AND GROSS CONTEST — Finally. A contest you can win.

The MOUTH is asking for community nominations on the "GROSSEST OF THE GROSS" land uses and where you'd like to see them. Inspired by some real Valley examples, the MOUTH thinks we should put our thinking caps on.

What is the worst example of poor planning in our Valley?

What is the scariest thing that could possibly happen?

What is the "neighbor land use from hell?"

Use your imagination. Submit your entries.

And remember, because this is the Valley, absolutely any suggestion is fair game.

BIRTH CLASS ALUMNI — They're the class of ‘65. Or ‘79. Or ‘82. They're the children that were born at Valley Hospital. They march in parades. They exchange birth dates and history. They wear the "Valley Baby" T-shirt with pride.

HOSPITAL STATS — In the last year Valley Hospital has entertained 88,000 patients. Of those patients, 21 percent were children and 47 percent were admitted for emergency procedures. Six hundred patients were sent on to Anchorage for more complex medical care. The hospital has a new look, a new pain medication program and a new infant security system. Their surveys show that patient satisfaction went up 20 percent in the last year.

PRAYERS FOR SHORT MEETING ANSWERED — The Valley Hospital annual membership meeting lasted all of 33 minutes, including a prayer at the beginning and a prayer at the end. This meeting was five minutes longer than last year. There was a 79-percent increase in the number of voting members.

FIRST-PLACE KATIE — Katie Hurley does a 17-minute mile. In fact, she won first place for her age division at the Alaska Women's Run. She is now Alaska's representative for a national event in Texas. If you see her walking and training along the P'dub bike trail, give her a honk. Or better yet, get out and join her.

IT TAKES A FARMER — The closed windows were stuck tight in the overheated Mat-Su Borough assembly meeting room. The director of Public Works attempted to open them. The borough assessor attempted to open them. The mayor of the borough attempted to open them. All failed.

Then along came a carrot farmer. He, using great strength, patience and perseverance, was able to unpry the sealed windows. The moral of this story is to be patient and eat your carrots.

SAFEST TIMES — The MOUTH has analyzed the statistical summary of ambulance responses from the month of May. Three hundred thirty-three incidents were reported. The average response time for the full department was 23.13 minutes.

According to the graphic charts, there appears to be some safe days in each community.

For your traveling pleasure, here are the findings: Tuesdays and Fridays in the Butte; Wednesdays in Palmer; Fridays in Talkeetna; Saturday in Wasilla.

THE MOUTH WONDERS:

Is it true that Rep. Ogan wore a partisan T-shirt to an assembly meeting that read, "Sore Loserman."

Is it true that Rep. Ogan went home and changed his shirt?

Is it true that 80 percent of city taxpayers are from outside city limits?

Is it true that 80 percent of city library users are from outside city limits?

Is it true that borough revenue sources show over $1 million in penalty and interest payments?

Is it true that 40,000 tourists visit Talkeetna?

Is it true that each Valley student will receive $200 in instructional supplies?

Is it true that "traffic calming techniques" are called "pinch points?"

Infamous borough scribe Barbara Hunt puts words in The Mouth twice every month. If you have questions, tips or suggestions, please fax them to her at 376-8059 or to her attention at the Frontiersman at 352-2277, or you may mail them or drop them off at 5751 E. Mayflower Ct., Wasilla AK 99654. The Mouth is also accessible on the Internet at bhunt@alaska.net. Confidentiality will be respected. Accuracy required and good taste requested.