Churches still lag in recognizing gay rights

When I ask, “is the end in sight?” I am not asking about the end of history, and I am certainly not asking about the end of American military adventures. I am certain about the apocalyptic end that so many Fundamentalist Christians think is just around the corner.

It is not in sight!

I would like to think that an end to America’s addiction to war is in sight, but I fear war is in our DNA. I had hoped that Vietnam had taught us our great lesson, but there is no evidence that America learns from its mistakes. I fear that sooner or later, we will be the big loser in a not-yet-visible future war.

My immediate question about an end in sight is about an important subject, but a bit more modest. I am asking, “is the end in sight of all discrimination and rejection of people because of their sexual orientation?” I feel strongly about the subject. I ask the question because it has played a major role in my professional life as a minister. There are some hopeful signs, but I confess I do not see the end in sight.

A couple of weeks ago I received a phone call from a reporter who was doing a piece on gay rights. Her decision to write the article was triggered by the emergence of a crisis in her community over gay acceptance in a local church. She was aware of me because of a book I wrote some 15 years ago. She was especially interested in the church of my current membership. How did a church in Alaska become so strongly accepting of gay persons? While the answer is a bit complicated, the key was a founding member who had a lesbian sister. He spoke up.

The progress that has been made toward the full acceptance of gay and lesbian persons in our churches is based on people speaking up and telling their stories. As important as gay and lesbian persons telling their own stories has been, I believe the most powerful force for acceptance has been the story telling that has been done by family members.

For several years, I was very active in PFLAG, which stands for Parents, Family and Friends of Lesbians and Gays. With hundreds of local chapters spread across the country, PFLAG is at the forefront of the gay acceptance movement. At local chapter meetings, people told their stories. It was not gay and lesbian people telling their stories; it was the parents, families and friends of lesbians and gays telling their stories. As I became active in the PFLAG movement regionally and nationally, I heard an incredibly diverse group of people telling their stories about their journeys to complete acceptance of their gay children. Their stories included acceptance of gay partners and of the children of their gay children and their spouses.

I found in PFLAG friendships with Southern Baptists, Mormons, Roman Catholics, Pentecostals, Methodists, Lutherans and every stripe of Evangelical Fundamentalists. Having gay children knows no denominational lines. They all were quick to tell of their despair in their own churches because of the bigotry that was prevalent in most of their churches.

When I wrote a book about gay acceptance in our churches, it was inevitably a project in storytelling. I am not gay. I have no gay children, and as far as I know I have no gay siblings or grandchildren. It was out of the life of the churches that I served as pastor that the stories came. I had no shortage of stories to tell. I changed names and context, but the stories were all true.

For years the storytelling was dismissed by some as the domain of liberals, leftists and Democrats. Not so any more. The communication networks are exploding these days with stories of Republican political figures and Evangelical preachers coming out of their closets.

The news networks are still reporting on the more public issues of “Don’t Ask, Don’t Tell,” same sex marriage and ordination of openly gay ministers. “Don’t Ask, Don’t Tell” will disappear in the next few months. The military will adjust with amazing rapidity. Same-sex marriage may make it under court order in the next few years. I hold little hope for legislative approval of gay marriage. When the courts force the issue, the visibility and hopefully acceptance of gay families in our neighborhoods will accelerate.

Ordination and full acceptance of gay people will take much longer. I see no end in sight of the struggle for gay acceptance in our churches. I spent several years helping to shape the welcoming church movement. We experienced significant successes. Today, there are strong groups of churches in several denominations that stand tall in their inclusion of gay and lesbian persons. However, even in their growing strength, they represent a very small minority of the churches in their denominations. It seems obvious to me that Christians and churches will be the last barrier to full acceptance of gay persons in our society.

Is there any sign of hope? One thing would change everything. If all gay persons left their closets and told their stories, and if every parent, family member and friend told their stories, enormous change would take place. It is then that the end would be in sight.

The Rev. Howard Bess is a retired American Baptist minister who lives in Palmer. His e-mail address is hdbss@mtaonline.net.