Darwin Awards look at dumb accidents

Out & About, by Howard Delo

We end another year in just a few days. I'd like to wrap up a few loose ends from previous columns and pass along a tidbit or two to think about during this coming week.

First, back in November, I wrote a column addressing the Department of Fish and Game's drawing permit system and how it worked. One topic I didn't cover, due to space limitations, was establishing a preference points system to assure applicants of eventually receiving a permit. I'm told the department has not instituted that type of program because virtually all the drawing hunts receive hundreds, if not thousands of applications for a handful of permits.

The bison hunts are a good example. Usually 8,000 to 10,000 applications are received each year for around 200 total permits.

If preference points were awarded to all the unsuccessful applicants, at some point, all permits would be awarded only to longtime applicants.

New hunter-applicants can forget applying for a bison permit for the foreseeable future. The intention of the drawings being random, with all applicants having an equal chance of receiving a permit, would no longer be valid.

Opportunity to hunt is restricted; thus, the department doesn't use preference points.

Second, I wrote a column back in September calling for a mandatory off-road vehicle license, primarily to "force" people to get educated in the proper use and safe operation of their chosen off-road vehicle. Bill's Cat House, in Big Lake, sponsored a Winter Safety Clinic on Dec. 13 to provide folks a forum to learn from experienced snowmachiners about trail etiquette and safe trail riding. I was the only member of "the public" to attend the presentation. If people won't assume responsibility for themselves, maybe the government should … sound familiar?

On another topic, the nominations are out for this year's prestigious Darwin Award. This accolade is presented annually, and usually posthumously, to the person(s) who died in the stupidest way, thereby removing himself/herself from the gene pool. There are nine nominees this year, but I'll only list my top picks for the award:

Nominee No. 1: (San Jose Mercury News): An unidentified man, using a shotgun like a club to break a former girlfriend's windshield, shot himself to death when the gun discharged, blowing a hole in his gut.

Nominee No. 2: (Hickory Daily Record): Ken Charles Barger, 47, shot himself to death in Newton, N.C. Awakening to the sound of a ringing telephone beside his bed, he reached for the phone but instead grabbed a .38 Special revolver, which discharged when he drew it to his ear.

Nominee No. 3: (The Indianapolis Star): A cigarette lighter may have triggered a fatal explosion near Dunkirk, Ind. A Jay County man, Gregory David Pryor, 19, used the lighter to check the barrel of a muzzleloader and was killed Monday night when the weapon discharged in his face at his parents' rural home. Investigators said Pryor was cleaning a .54-caliber muzzleloader that had not been firing properly. He was using the lighter to look into the barrel when the gunpowder ignited.

My personal favorite and Nominee No. 4: (Arkansas Democrat Gazette): Two local men were seriously injured when their pickup truck left the road and struck a tree near Cotton Patch on State Highway 38 early Monday morning. Woodruff County Deputy Dovey Snyder reported the accident shortly after midnight. Thurston Poole, 33, of Des Arc and Billy Ray Wallis, 38, of Little Rock were listed in serious condition at Baptist Medical Center. The accident occurred as the two men were returning after a frog-gigging trip. The night was overcast and Poole's truck headlights quit working. They suspected the fuse had burned out, but had no replacements. Wallis noticed that the .22-caliber cartridge from his pistol fit perfectly into the fuse box.

After inserting the cartridge into the fuse slot, the headlights began working again and the two proceeded toward the White River Bridge, 20 miles away. Just before crossing the river, the cartridge apparently overheated and exploded, pieces striking Poole in the right testicle. The vehicle swerved sharply right, left the pavement and struck a tree. Poole suffered minor injuries from the collision but will require surgery for the other wound. Wallis sustained a broken clavicle.

"I've been a trooper for 10 years in this part of the world, but this is a first for me. I can't believe that those two would admit how this accident happened," Snyder said.

Upon being notified of the wreck, Lavinia, Poole's wife, asked how many frogs the boys had caught and did anyone get them from the truck. We must have our priorities, right, Lavinia?

Howard Delo is a retired fisheries biologist living in Big Lake. Send your comments and ideas to editor@frontiersman.com, or call (907) 352-2268 and leave a message for Howard.