Domestic violence in our community: What can we do?

Many of us face the awful suspicion that a woman we know — at work, at church, in the neighborhood or in our own family — is the victim of domestic abuse or battery. Naturally we want to help, but it’s hard to know what to do.

It might seem easier to pretend nothing is wrong, but that gives both the woman and the batterer the impression we don’t notice or care. Batterers count on us not to notice and they count on us to stay silent.

It’s a silence that is entrenched in our society. We used to think some couples were just quarrelsome. We laughed at cartoons showing an angry wife chasing her husband with a rolling pin. We made excuses for men who beat their wives: maybe he was under stress; maybe he was drunk.

Sometimes our churches or places of worship provided the excuses: women must be subordinate to their husbands; violence against women is an inescapable product of original sin; spare the rod, spoil the child.

Whatever the rationale, we viewed marital squabbles as private matters and none of our business. We reassured ourselves that if things were “really bad” the woman could just leave. Now we know better. Now we know that violence against women and children is deliberate, purposeful, deadly serious — and it’s everybody’s business.

That’s especially true here in Alaska, which ranks No. 1 in the nation in violence against women and children. A recent survey by the University of Alaska Anchorage Justice Center found that 47 percent of women polled had experienced physical violence from an intimate partner at some point in their lives. And Alaska leads the nation in the number of women killed at the hands of an intimate partner.

So what can we do?

First, we need to recognize domestic violence for what it is — an unjustifiable assault that is rarely a one-time event. It usually gets worse over time and happens more frequently, and the damage to women is real.

Untold numbers of women suffer permanent injuries — brain damage, blindness, deafness, speech loss through damage to the larynx, disfigurement and mutilation, damage to or loss of internal organs, paralysis, sterility and so on. And every day in our nation, women die violently at the hands of men who claim to love them.

Those who escape from battering may be plagued for years by problems ranging from anxiety, shame, and despair to flashbacks and thoughts of suicide. These aftershocks are the symptoms of post-traumatic stress disorder, a psychological condition also seen in survivors of rape and incest and in veterans of wartime combat.

All of these effects add up to a burden on our social service agencies, medical providers and criminal justice system. Our community is left with women who have a much harder time being productive members of our society because of the abuse they suffered at the hands of an intimate partner.

Next, we need to end the secrecy surrounding domestic violence. We need to send the clear message that violence in the home is unacceptable and that those who inflict physical or psychological pain on others will be held accountable.

Simply by speaking up, we can change the climate of indifference that has allowed violence to flourish among us all these years.

If you or someone you know is being abused, call the Alaska Family Services 24-hour crisis line, 746-4080, or toll-free, 866-746-4080.

Judy Gette is the director of Alaska Family Services’ Domestic Violence and Sexual Assault Program.