Domestic violence is not just someone else’s problem

They were good friends and members of the church I served in the Shenandoah Valley of Virginia. My wife and I had shared meals in their home, our a little less than 2-year-old daughters played together while we talked. We were in the church choir together and they helped in our Wednesday night children’s ministry.

They were both employed by a major chemical plant in town and held advanced degrees and patents for that company. She was a premier rock climber. They both ran and skied and led active lives. They were going through a rough time in their marriage and were seeking help through licensed pastoral counselors as well as myself their local church pastor. We had spoken plainly about how things were (not good) but how they were working through some of the issues they had. They seemed to have hope for the future.

In our meetings together they both mentioned an incident of violence almost a year earlier and we talked about it together. I followed up with her alone and we spoke of her feelings of safety and what to do if she felt threatened. She did not feel threatened at that time. This was on a Monday.

On Wednesday morning I received a phone call from his sister in California who had just gotten off the phone with her brother. She told me that I needed to get over to the house quickly that she had already alerted the police in Virginia and that something was very wrong. When I arrived the police were just entering the house where they found both of them dead in what we later came to know was a murder and suicide. Thankfully, their daughter was safely at daycare and she has lived with her mother’s family for the last 15 years.

That next Sunday many of our congregation gathered for Sunday School to mourn, to wonder how and why, and quite honestly, to get support because several of our valued assumptions had been shattered. This was not supposed to happen to good people, to people doing all the right things, to people who were — in so many ways — like each of us. As we shared in their funeral service, made sure their daughter was taken care of, and welcomed grieving families into our community, one of the harshest realities came to be that if this could happen to them it could happen to anyone.

I believe that sobering truth continues to affect all who were involved to this day.

Domestic violence is not just someone else’s problem. It is too close and happens way too often for us to ignore. In I Corinthians 12: 26 Paul is speaking of the people of God having many parts yet being part of one body. He says that if one part suffers then every part suffers with it; if one part is honored every part is honored with it. We have members of our community suffering and thus everyone suffers. We must act together to give ourselves more options, better support and greater honor so that violence in all of its forms will cease to be so prevalent.

Henry H. Woodall is the pastor of First Presbyterian Church of Wasilla.