Don’t fall into coma over proper use of comma

Of course, the barista at the counter was right.

“I also will have an Americano” implied I wanted more than a cup of coffee. “What you wanted to say,” he told me, “was I, too, would like an Americano.”

I asked him if “too” meant in addition to and if “also” meant more. He did not know. He said he rarely discussed grammar with customers. He just sold them coffee. That made sense, and I thought of commas.

If the screwdriver rules as the most misused household tool, then the comma must surely be the most misunderstood, pestilent punctuation mark. I tell my students never use a comma unless they know that comma’s particular rule.

“Commas have rules?” they ask. They think commas mean pause. Commas are yield signs. Slow down, look both ways and make the mark. Do not stop.

Whenever any additional anything appears in their sentences, they throw in a comma. Better yet, they toss in two commas. I once asked a young girl why so many commas. She explained she already had five periods. Since she knew five periods made a paragraph, it was time to add commas. That would explain a lot, I sighed. Undoubtedly, someone had also told her that apostrophes meant flying commas; anytime a word ended with “s” she had piloted an airborne comma overhead.

I think people hesitate to criticize others’ grammar, be it written or spoken, in light of the proverb about people living in glass houses and throwing stones. We may criticize the president, but never another’s grammar. I know why, too. Foreign policy is easier to grasp than the comma.

Commas are multi-talented curves. Commas list, separate, emphasize, define and manage the complexities within our language. Do not overuse or underestimate these little devils. Once a stop work order was issued on an entire pipeline installation project due to the misinterpretation of a single comma. The supervisor tried to explain it was a mere comma. The attorney said too bad (comma) so sad.

I, too, live in the glass comma house. I abuse commas as well or better than the next guy. Still, my grammatical handicap is no excuse not to teach the secret of the comma.

Writing is deliberate. Precise use of our language and its tools allow us to command our thoughts. Good grammar separates the “haves” and the “have-nots.” My students need for me to admit my ignorance, pick up a “Warner’s First Handbook of Grammar” and learn along with them the proper use of punctuation and speech. This requires explicit instruction. Though it may not be warm and fuzzy learning, neither is it antiquated. Literacy depends on it.

Despite using “also” incorrectly while ordering a coffee, I believe the pen is mightier than the sword. Correct grammar is important for that pen. When we master the written word, we also have mastery over ourselves. As my students prepare to take control of their own lives, they deserve nothing less (period).

Emily Forstner is the professional development coordinator for Mat-Su Borough School District. Opinions expressed in Chalk Talk are those of the writer and do not necessarily reflect those of the Mat-Su Borough School District.