Don’t talk bad about Miss Sarah

An election was lost and the buzzards have swooped in to pick over the roadkill.

Those who believe themselves to be blue-blood, elite Republicans have their sights set on destroying Miss Sarah. With their noses in the air and their rear-ends behind the cloak of secrecy, they say she didn’t know about the Wilson Doctrine of American exceptionality. They add with disdain that the woman likes to shop. God knows any woman who likes to shop ought to be shot right on the spot. Just who the heck (I sincerely want to use a stronger word, but just in case this is actually published somewhere I exercise great restraint) are these people?

To answer my own question, they think themselves above the rest of us regular folks. They graduated from one of those schools populated by far-left radical professors, students with trust funds who look forward to “working” for daddy’s company and a tame version of Kudzu growing all over the walls. They just don’t understand Miss Sarah’s popularity and darn well want to make sure she does not offer a threat to their myopic view of the political world. Better to have a Democrat as president than a Republican who is not one of them.

I don’t give a sow’s hind end how you voted or what your politics are. I don’t care if you are farther right than Jessie Helms or more left than Charles Schumer. It doesn’t matter if you believe in welfare, workfare or laissez-faire. We just don’t allow no bad talk about Miss Sarah.

Besides the fact that she is the governor of the largest state in these United States, has kids and hunts, Miss Sarah is a fine-looking woman. Of course, if you live in the self-proclaimed elite world of northeastern liberalism where your women walk around looking as if they just ate a lemon, then you probably don’t know how to deal with a woman like Miss Sarah.

While we know full-well that Miss Sarah is from Alaska, she represents everything that a well-bred Southern woman should be. She can run the farm, fry a chicken, take care of the kids and fix up real nice. For God’s sake, she can field dress a moose. She knows the difference between a 12-gauge shotgun and a rifle, and when to use each one.

Miss Sarah’s got a husband who races across thousands of miles of snowy wilderness and changes the baby’s diapers. Not only is Miss Sarah a real woman, her husband is a real man.

Miss Sarah earned a degree in journalism from the University of Idaho. That alone is enough to make the blue bloods grab their prune-faced women and run home to daddy. Those Southerners who, for lack of a better choice, find themselves in the Republican camp now have to worry about the same liberal elites that populate the other party turning on our Miss Sarah.

She is the first bright star in the Republican sky since Ronald Reagan. She demonstrates true feminism without losing her femininity. I’ve never used the word femininity in an article before and promise to only do so if referring to Miss Sarah.

Just remember that anyone who talks bad about Miss Sarah ain’t one of us.

Jack Kean is a writer who lives in the Southern United States.