Elder care is a scriptural mandate

The Mat-Su is on the horizon of seeing a wave of community members entering their senior years — a predicted phenomenon affectionately referred to as the “Silver Tsunami” by some. We are not prepared for this in a formal sense. The Valley has no skilled nursing facility. When I think about this, I get concerned. What will my children do in 25 to 35 years if there isn’t a facility to put me in?

When I get concerned, I look to scripture. How Christians are to treat their elders is clear.

I Timothy 5:1-4 says:

“…but if a widow has children or grandchildren, these should learn first of all to put their religion into practice by caring for their own family and so repaying their parents and grandparents, for this is pleasing to God.”

This is a tough concept for the Western culture. When our parents hit the age to need care, we are usually in our late ’40s to ’50s, and need to store away our own acorns for the winter of our lives. We are just getting kids through college and are paying for the weddings of our daughters. Vacations to Hawaii are almost possible now. So I need to put my religion into practice this way?

My “vacations” over the past few years have meant I flew out when my dad in Florida needed to have his leg amputated. Again when he contracted MRSA and needed extra care at home. Again when he died, and Mom needed all her children by her side. And again to visit to Mom when my sister needed a break from the constant demands of being a caregiver.

This September I went a bit further, and brought Mom home with me to Alaska. Traveling across the country — the continent, really — is a tough thing to do in one day when you’re any age, but it’s really a challenge when you’re 88 and using a walker. (Even worse is traveling the day after some nut decides to set the Chicago control tower on fire and all your flights are changed and delayed).

But Mom persevered through that. She trusted me to get her from Tampa to Anchorage in one day. She was absolutely dependent on me. Roles were reversed, and I was now the responsible adult getting her every step of the way. It was hard for both of us, but we made it after 21 hours, and crashed into bed.

As I drifted off to sleep, I thought “what in the world have I done?!” This little lady is completely dependent on me! She is frail! She is forgetful! She is nervous! And boy, can she talk about the same stuff over and over!

The first two weeks were an adjustment period for both of us. Yesterday, though, was a really good day. We baked together and licked the spoons. We began a secret project for Christmas to give to loved ones. We ran errands together. We had family dinner night with all the “kids” (grown, young adults in our family who come on Mondays); but making this work requires a lot of selflessness.

I saw this sort of selflessness in action in Illinois when I entered the Ford family. My mother-in-law, Anna, was working full-time. Her own mother-in-law lived with them for years, but Grandma Ford became too frail to live at home anymore and went to the nearest nursing home.

Three times a day Anna went to feed her mother-in-law. She went before work, on her lunch hour, and immediately after work. She pureed the food, and fed her gently while talking at a volume that surely was heard throughout the entire facility, just so Grandma could communicate with a loved one.

Anna could have gotten away with a weekly visit to Grandma Ford, but she went at least 21 times a week. That was Christian love in action. That was putting her religion into practice. That was hard.

Another hero in that regard is a local one — a woman from my church who works out at Curves every morning so she can be strong enough to care for her father who is bedridden. I saw her in the plank position one morning and was very impressed with how long she could hold herself up with her toes and forearms. She could hold it steady for 100 seconds! When she first started, she could only do it for eight seconds.

This committed daughter trains her body every morning so that she is strong enough to take care of her father, and she’s been faithfully doing it for years.

Mat-Su believers, we may need to do this. We may need to care for our own at home or assist in caring for our own when they are in some sort of facility. As of right now, we do not have the option of skilled nursing. That is something to be remedied, but meanwhile we need to look to the scripture and know that as long as we are able, we need to be prepared to care for our own family members, and should consider how to repay our elders for the care they gave to us. It’s a reality of life, and a directive in scripture that cannot be ignored. It’s putting our “religion” into practice.

Kim Ford lives in the Wasilla area.

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