Fighting the War

When cable news coverage reported an ambush on U.S. Marine soldiers in An Nasiriyah last week, a good many families of Marine soldiers held their breath and waited. They waited for reports to clarify what took place; they waited for reports to say who was injured or killed in the ambush; and most of all, they waited for time to pass, hoping no bad news would come.

"It was a horrible day, Sunday," said Donna Massay, whose son, Crispin Gentry, is one of the Marines involved in that ambush. "You don't want to see a car in your driveway. You don't want anyone to call or contact you."

Massay and her husband Glenn are among numerous Valley families who have a loved one serving in Operation Iraqi Freedom. They are among the millions across America who tune in to network and cable news updates about the war, hoping to hear their loved one's unit mentioned. Up to this point, many Valley families have been tuning in to the coverage on their own, alone. But people around the Valley are beginning to organize, recognizing a need for families and friends of military personnel to gather together and share their concerns, gather information and, where possible, help out.

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Although Massay said she initially watched the news coverage unfold by the hour, she's cut back on her viewing time. She's found other ways to keep up with where Crispin is. In listening to a news report after last week's ambush, she heard mention of a journalist who was embedded with Crispin's unit, Massay said, and she began looking for more information about that reporter.

What she found, Massay said, has been a blessing. The reporter with Crispin's unit is from a Dallas, Tex., station, and his reports are available through that station's Web site, with updates every few hours.

"I can just log on and play the video," Massay said, "and then separate myself from it. I'm grateful for the coverage, but it's on my terms."

Hundreds of journalists are embedded with U.S. and coalition forces fighting in Iraq, and the widespread use of the Internet and increases in technology mean our troops' actions can be seen in nearly real time around the world. The war is being covered from hundreds of cameras and viewpoints, and the reaction is enough to bring about warnings from those in the mental health community. Already, doctors are recognizing that too much television may increase depression and other problems.

But given the choice of hearing a five-second soundbite that mentions the location of your loved one's unit after several hours of viewing time and catching up on the overall activities of the day on the evening news, some opt for the long haul.

"I watch it about 20 hours a day," said Debbie Ralston, whose son, Scott, is also a Marine. Ralston said she has the television on throughout the day, and goes to bed with earphones on connected to the television, to avoid disturbing her husband Tom's sleep. "I wish I knew more where he was," Debbie said.

Tom Ralston said he just catches up on what's happened during the nightly news segment instead -- the ongoing coverage, he said, is simply too redundant to be useful. He said he's surprised at the close coverage, and it's left him wondering if having journalists embedded with the troops was a good step.

Rev. Duane Guisinger said he likes the coverage. It's history in the making, and as a veteran, a pastor and a father of two Navy seamen, he's personally interested in what's going on.

"We've been focusing very closely on it because of our current investment," Guisinger said. "We do want it over very quickly -- we want them out of there. [The coverage] helps us with our praying, it helps us with our understanding and it helps me counsel people."

Guisinger said he sees the coverage as a way for Americans to build support for the troops.

"You're able to root for the home team," Guisinger said. "You want to see the progress. For me, it's so much better than having to wait a week, a month to hear anything."

Amy Menerey said for her, the coverage online and on television has been somewhat reassuring -- it's the only word she's had about where her son is in about six weeks. Jeremy Menerey, 20, has been with the 3rd Infantry Division in Kuwait since about September and communicated regularly through e-mail and telephone calls, but after his battalion was moved closer to the border where they would wait to "roll north," in February, the communication stopped. The silence, Menerey said, has left her frustrated, so she's become one of the millions of family members glued to their television sets. Although Menerey said she tunes it out much of the time, every time she hears her son's infantry or brigade mentioned, she scours the screen for some sign of Jeremy.

"It's gotten to where I try to get as close as I can, to try to see a soldier who looks like him or walks like him," Menerey said. "I'm looking for anything like that that would indicate it's him."

Menerey said she recently found reports online from a reporter with Jeremy's battalion, and found out he'd been involved in close-quarters combat. The news, she said, was a blessing and a curse. She found out where her son was, but knowing he's in the middle of the action is little comfort. As Menerey worked at home Thursday, she said she decided to keep the news off.

"I've made it a purpose today not to turn the TV on while I'm at home," Menerey said. "This is probably the first time I've not turned the TV on the moment I wake. I don't know if I can keep that up … the whole day, I've been sitting here, wondering."

Proud to serve

Ask a military family how they feel about their loved one's involvement, and two emotions come up -- they're worried, but they're proud. For some families, their loved one's decision to sign up was a surprise, while for others it seemed a natural course of action.

Scott Ralston, 25, was working -- and playing -- hard at his job eight to 10 hours a day and using the off-time to downhill ski or otherwise be active outdoors. Tom Ralston joked that he was a bit of an adrenaline junkie, and enjoyed extreme sports. Despite his push-the-limits attitude, the Ralstons were surprised when Scott joined the Marines.

"It was totally out of the blue," Tom said.

Scott was one of several who signed up on Sept. 12, 2001, in response to the previous day's terrorist attacks on New York City and the Pentagon. In joining the Marines, however, Scott became the fourth link in a chain of service with that branch of the armed forces. His great-great grandfather, Tom said, was a Marine when the branch of service first started, and troops were still serving on ships.

"We're extremely proud of him," Tom said. "My older son and I think he's having the time of his life over there."

Guisinger said he wasn't as surprised by his sons' decisions to serve. Guisinger served in the Navy during Viet Nam, and his father served during World War II, extending his tour of duty to be part of the Bikini Atoll atom bomb test.

"We've seen service right all along," Guisinger said. "It's an understanding that you have."

Three of his children have spent time on the USS Abraham Lincoln. That's the ship on which both Jered and Leighton now serve, and the same ship on which Guisinger's daughter Taryn served; and where Taryn, now finished with her Naval service, met her husband.

Guisinger said he's confident in his family's choice to serve their country, although he never pushed any of his children to join. He recounted a moment of revelation he experienced a few years ago; one that he said helps him understand his family's role for the nation.

Guisinger said he traveled to Hawaii, to the USS Arizona Memorial at the site of the Pearl Harbor attacks. He was all too familiar with the memorial from a distance, he said -- he had faced it daily during muster when he was stationed in Hawaii. As he saw the memorial for the first time up close, with the USS Arizona signaling the beginning of WWII, and the newly placed Battleship Missouri, where the papers were signed bringing an end to the war, it gave him pause to think.

"Just as I was looking at that, and thinking about the sacrifice and how we have to pass that on," Guisinger said. "Right then, down the channel came my daughter's ship. It really put it into perspective."

Donna Massay said she was surprised by Crispin's decision to join the Marines, but it fit the direction his life was taking. As a middle-schooler, Massay said, Crispin was interested in mechanical engineering. In high school, those interests ran toward the hands-on aspects of mechanical engineering and he began talking about going to a trade school. When a Marine recruiter visited the school and talked with Crispin about the mechanic training available in the Marines, he decided it was where he wanted to be.

"I thought … it's great to see a young person that thinks they know where they are going," Massay said, "and he's never looked back."

Massay said Crispin's training has helped him sort out his weaknesses -- time management, for example -- and has developed his strong points, such as leadership.

That doesn't mean the reality of Crispin's duty has been an easy one for Massay to take. She said when she went to see Crispin when he, along with about 7,000 other soldiers, was deployed, she was struck by the fact that such a large portion of the nation's future leaders were being called on to fight this war.

"It really came home to me -- you hear about all these things, but all of a sudden, you just realize … this is our heritage. This is our legacy to our nation, and here they are, just going off," Massay said. "Seven thousand was a lot that day."

When Amy Menerey's son Jeremy visited last summer after finishing basic training, she said he displayed his dress uniform like a medal, strutting around full of pride before his friends and family.

"Jeremy had always been interested in the military," Menerey said. "He kind of struggled for a while with what direction he wanted his life to go. When he decided to join, it was the one thing he was proudest of. He was respected for his decision."

Jeremy's stepfather was in the Army, Menerey said, and his grandfather spent 20 years in the Air Force. Though Jeremy joined after Sept. 11, 2001, Menerey said his reasons for fighting have changed since his decision to sign up.

"He was in the midst of his paperwork when [his younger sister] Julie died in December 2001," Menerey said. "Right after that, he officially went in."

Menerey said she and Jeremy have talked about his sister's death, about his decision to serve and, while he was still in basic training, about the possibility of war.

"With his sister's death so soon, it made the possibility of his own death more real," Menerey said. "I think it made him more committed to doing something worthwhile, meaningful with his life … I was apprehensive, but I was also very proud of him for making that decision and following through with it."

It hasn't been easy for Menerey. Still grieving from the loss of her daughter, she said she feels as though she's back on the emotional roller coaster she was on while Julie, after a car accident left her in a coma with extensive brain injuries, was in the hospital. The situation may be different, she said, but it's still a life-or-death battle.

"I almost feel better-prepared this time around," Menerey said. "I've had a child die and I've lived. But … I find myself asking often whether or not I can make it through a second time without losing my sanity."

Reaching out to ease the worry

Menerey said she's become a pro at researching the movements of Jeremy's division and has been compiling everything she can into a binder full of information. She said she's not sure Jeremy will find it useful, but keeping track of what she can helps.

"I don't think it puts me at ease, but I think it takes away some of the stress," Menerey said. "I think he'll find it interesting when he gets back, but I think it's more for my own sanity -- it gives me something to do."

On top of scouring the Internet for information, Menerey said she sends letters and packages regularly. That seems to be one of the most effective ways of keeping in touch -- and dealing with the stress of having loved ones at war. Debbie Ralston said she writes Scott often and sends him things he requests. Jerky and Snickers candy bars, she said, were two of the special requests she's sent off, along with a lot of baby wipes.

"I just get up every morning and write him a letter, and send him a few care packages," Debbie said. She tries to stay upbeat in her letters, updating him on how the family is doing and how proud they are of him.

Guisinger said he's been able to keep in close touch with his sons, who have Internet access on their ship. He encouraged people to send letters and care packages -- they're like gold to the servicemen and women, he said. He also encouraged people to pray for the troops' safety and be vocal in their support of the troops.

"Even if you disagree, still support your particular soldier or sailor -- that goes a long way to help them," Guisinger said. "Stay in touch as much as you can, and know they are doing a good work, and it's a just cause. Don't let naysayers confuse and dirty up the water. Hope and pray for the best."

Donna Massay said she, too, has been sending letters and packages, and has been surprised by others who've expressed a desire to get involved as well. A number of people, she said, have asked for Crispin's address and sent packages off to him and others in his unit. She said the number of people not directly connected to the war who've wanted to show support has surprised her.

"By supporting the troops directly, they don't have to deal with the issue of 'Is this war right or wrong?'" Massay said. "They can leave politics out of it."

Massay said she believes many who grew up during the Viet Nam war want to make sure the troops know they are supported, regardless of how they may feel about the war in general.

"My generation wants to be sure that is avoided," Massay said of the way returning soldiers were treated during that time. "I think there was a lesson learned from that mistake and, as a mom, I applaud them for their effort. It's just a positive thing to see the positive side of people, doing it because it feels good."

Massay is organizing a yellow ribbon rally next Thursday at 6:30 p.m. at the Palmer Veterans' Grove at the Palmer Visitors' Center. Anyone who wants to show their support of the nation's troops are welcome to stop by Thursday and tie a yellow ribbon around a tree in the grove. She suggested people bring plenty of ribbon if they have it -- some will be available for those who don't have any -- and that family members of military personnel bring along the address of their loved one, if they're willing to give it out. She said she has started carrying peel-and-stick labels with Crispin's address to make it easier for such groups, as well as friends and family, to contact him.

In addition to handing out the address of service members to friends and acquaintances at the gathering, Massay said a group of students from Palmer High is collecting the addresses and compiling care packages to be sent off to local service members.

Massay said she's looking forward to the gathering and hopes to help pass on the traditions of how a nation responds to war. The support, she said, makes her role as a worried mom easier.

"While we have a very close fear and pain, it's incredible to me to watch how a nation has taken on and carried this pain with it," Massay said.