First day of April brings some unusual news

Frontiersman Editorial Board

It has been a strange few days since the weekend. So many unexpected events have taken place it has been impossible to keep up with them on the news pages. We've compiled a list of brief updates here to catch people up on the dramatic changes in our community and around the globe.

In what may be some of the biggest news to hit the Valley since Vic Kohring won a surprise fifth term, Bill Gates has announced that he will purchase Hatcher Pass and finally build a world-class ski resort and an international airport there. Gates said, "I can't believe someone hasn't thought of doing this before. Hatcher Pass is a prime location for an international destination, and we're going high-tech with the whole thing. The runs will be powered by Windows 2003, but even skis with an older version of Windows will be able to operate on all but the black diamonds." The Hatcher Pass resort is expected to open in 2005, but the glitches won't be worked out until 2007.

In other big news in the Valley, Democrats registered a voter on Monday. The man, who's name is being withheld pending litigation, claims he was under the influence of several Pioneer Peak Porters at the time, but the party claims the registration is legitimate. "I really can't say exactly what happened," the man said. "I'm pretty sure I thought I was entering a raffle to win a hunting rifle. Other than that, I really don't have any comment right now."

Another big headline we didn't see coming happened when the MEA board announced it would add a permanent designated seat on the board for a card-carrying member of IBEW. "We did this as a show of good faith," said one MEA board member. "Our recent wranglings have not been because we don't like the union. It's really just because some of us don't like one particular guy who may or may not have received campaign contributions from some people who may or may not be connected to the union."

Yet another surprise came when Valley politicians Scott Ogan and Vic Kohring announced they'd sacrifice their paychecks and also co-sponsor an income tax bill that would fund a new botanical garden, performing arts center and fine arts gallery near Palmer.

Finally, after the success of his infomercial on Sunday, Gov. Frank Murkowski has decided to host a series of programs to promote his new "Magic Convection Oven." "This thing is great," Murkowski said. "You put in a hot dog, set the timer, close the door, and 10 minutes later out pops a rack of lamb … I promise."

Oh, of course, one other important event happened today. APRIL FOOLS.