Flawless

My wife and I make an unusual combination. In addition to our height differences, myself being over 6-feet-tall, and my wife being closer to 5 feet, we are both oldest children. In the world of psychiatry, this combination rarely works, since strong personalities and ideas of oldest “alphas” can create constant conflict. I think the world of her, but if I am honest, it has not always been smooth sailing. There have been times when I have been less right than I thought. The natural man in me has made it hard for me to say I am sorry at times; I wish I understood why pride can be so strong. Yet, I still have a very clear memory in my mind and in my heart of an answer to a humble prayer asked many years ago if she was the one for me. Rare has an answer more fully penetrated my heart and soul as the resounding “yes” I received that day. The answer to that prayer has more than once punched holes in my stubbornness and opened up a helpful and healing dialogue, beginning with “I’m sorry” or “I’m a jerk” and moving forward from there.

It can be painful when your flaws are laid bare and your selfish ideas come into sharper focus. You wonder how you even got there. Many marriages struggle with communication and ours has not escaped these challenges. I remember one time in particular where I felt my memory recall was superior to hers as I presented my recollection of events. After going back and forth some and not making the progress I had hoped, my anger started to rise, my words became more sharp and I began to bring up old misdeeds to tip the score in my favor. She just stopped talking, crushed that I would bring up the past since my past was far more flawed. She quietly said that she had forgiven me of mine and wondered why it didn’t flow both ways. I have thought about that moment more than once.

John Chapter 8 KJV tells the story of the woman who was presented to Christ after being caught in the act of adultery by the Pharisees. They were hoping to trick Christ into a capital punishment for the sin by saying in verse 5, “Now Moses in the law commanded us, that such should be stoned: but what sayest thou?” They began to badger Christ for an answer to this dilemma so they could stone her. In verse 7 they got their answer. “He that is without sin among you, let him first cast a stone at her.” The story then continues as she lifted her head and looked around. Christ stated in verse 10-12, “Woman, where are thine accuser? Hath no man condemned thee? She said, No man, Lord. And Jesus said unto her, neither do I condemn thee: go, and sin no more.” He frankly forgave her. She was free to go forward without the weight of that sin on her. Yet I had not done the same with my wife. I was carrying a score card and all the emotional and physical baggage that comes with that. Brenda had made me flawless in her eyes while I chose to fake it while keeping score quietly and seeing her as flawed. A popular scripture we quote in our home in KJV Matthew 7:5 described me. I had a “beam” in my eye while I was critiquing the “mote” in hers.

A song by the Christian Rock group, MercyMe has a song about forgiveness through Christ called “Flawless.” One of the lyrics says “Could it possibly be / that we simply can’t believe / that this unconditional kind of love would be enough / to take a filthy wretch like this / and wrap him up in righteousness / but that’s exactly what He did.” That is what Christ has done for me and also what Brenda has done for me.

Like I said, the natural man and my sharp tongue can get the best of me at times but she continues to work with me and forgive me. This may be the reason we are celebrating our 28th wedding anniversy next month. In the end, I have made progress. Now my desire to follow Christ is greater than my pride. It is my hope that we forgive each other and find joy in that forgiveness so that we too can be forgiven and be made flawless again.

Dr. John Boston is a father, husband, grandfather, local physician, member of the Mat-Su Board of Trustees and Colonel in the Alaska Air National Guard. He believes in Christ and is a member of The Church of Jesus Christ of Latter-day Saints.