Former drug addict tells her story

Dec. 22, 2006

By MARY AMES

Frontiersman

MAT-SU - A woman who struggled with substance abuse, lost everything to her addictions, and gained sobriety through programs at Alaska Family Services, told her story in a letter.

Donn Bennice, executive director of the nonprofit organization, read the woman's letter at the Dec. 8 Substance Abuse Initiative sponsored by United Way.

The woman wanted her story told, but felt the need to remain anonymous.

&#8220I believe society still views substance abuse negatively, and can't afford to jeopardize my life,” she said in the letter.

She began using drugs at 11, after her mother died, she said. At 13, she was drinking, smoking pot and taking pills. At 16, she was using speed, acid and Ecstasy, and at 17, as a high school senior, she was injecting cocaine and speed, she said.

&#8220Please understand I come from a very good family,” she said. &#8220I hid my drug usage from my family. On the surface, I appeared to be a normal teenager involved in extracurricular activities, had a lot of friends, had a job and was doing very well academically.

For the next 10 years, she was a &#8220functioning drug addict,” she said, and because she only snorted, smoked and swallowed drugs, she thought she was in control.

By 2000, at 30, she was a master manipulator, using survival techniques she wasn't even aware of to maintain her drug habit while she worked at a well-known telecommunications company, she said. To keep her job as her life began to unravel, she went into rehab for the first time and detoxed from cocaine, methamphetamine, heroin, alcohol and Zanax, she said.

&#8220This was my first attempt at recovery, because of the fear of losing my job,” she said.

Six months later, she entered rehab again, but lost her battle against addiction and lost her job, she said.

The next three years were a downward spiral, where she lost everything and lived on the streets for about four months, until she hit rock bottom and knew she &#8220couldn't live this way any longer and would have done anything to stop,” she said.

By the time she found her way to Alaska Family Services in the summer of 2004, she'd been through four more rehab centers and detoxed five more times. She was clean for two months before she was allowed to enter the Women's Residential Reunification Action Program and live at the shelter, she said.

&#8220I was extremely vulnerable during this time and needed to be in a safe environment with women who understood what was happening to me,” she said. &#8220I hadn't experienced a full year of sobriety throughout my life since I was 13 years old.”

During her nine months at the shelter, she had the opportunity to talk with women who shared some of the same experiences, felt safe and focused on regaining a fulfilling, independent life, she said.

She is successfully employed at a well-paying job in Anchorage and has been clean for two years and six months, she said.

&#8220You may not have direct experience with drug abuse, but I am sure your life has been touched by a family member or close friend who suffers needlessly from this disease,” she said. &#8220I say this from experience: Substance abuse is at an epidemic level in the Mat-Su Borough.”

She asked for continued support from the community to fight the epidemic.

&#8220I only wish that when I was 11, there would have been something there for me,” she said. &#8220Maybe my life would have been different.”

Contact Mary Ames at 352-2284 or mary.ames@frontiersman.com.