Funeral director relies on compassion, desire to help

PALMER — There are a few people most hope they never meet professionally, like an IRS auditor or a prosecuting attorney.

Funeral director may also make the list.

While Jennifer Erwin knows she may not be the most popular person in town, she takes her job seriously.

As funeral director at Kehl’s Palmer Mortuary, Erwin said she enjoys being in a line of work where she can show her compassion for those she serves. And with Palmer being a small town, the wife and mother of four often finds herself working for friends and neighbors.

Erwin took a few minutes Monday afternoon to talk about her profession.

Frontiersman: What does a funeral director do?

Erwin: Oh my goodness, we do everything, I guess, from going to the loved one’s place of death and transferring them to our care, handling all the paperwork with the family, meeting the family, planning out the kind of arrangements they want — cremation, burial. We take care of the deceased and all the service arrangements.

F: How did you get into this line of work?

E: I was in nursing school, actually. I admired my mom being a nurse and I wanted to do something to help people. On our psychology field trip, we had to go to a mortuary to learn about death and dying. The local funeral director there was telling us how it’s harder to get the younger generations to go into this career field. I was pretty interested, because one of the things he said was you have to be compassionate and caring to do something like this. That’s what piqued my interest to change my career path.

F: What does that mean to take care of the deceased?

E: In my case, I’m not an embalmer, so I just can help dress and with the casket and with hair and nails, and things like that. The embalmers do the embalming and that part of the preparation.

F: You’re probably one of the people in the community people don’t want to meet professionally.

E: Right, that’s true. A lot of families always say it’s nice to meet you, and I always say that I wish it were under different circumstances. It’s an honor that they select me, because I want to take care of them in their time of need.

F: How important is it to get all the arrangements right?

E: You have one shot and one shot only. This is the final honoring of somebody’s life, and it’s so important to get it right the first time, because you don’t have a second chance.

F: What kind of training and education do you need to be a funeral director?

E: I went to college for two years, then I had to serve a year apprenticeship under another licensed funeral director. Then I took my state and national boards and became a funeral director. You have to have college and that apprenticeship.

F: Families often may not be in a good frame of mind when you meet them. How do you deal with making arrangements while they’re grieving?

E: I’m a very compassionate person. I have a very big heart, and sometimes that’s a good quality and sometimes that makes it hard. I will give everything I have, even if I’m on fumes. It is personal for me, because it is an honor that they are allowing me an opportunity to comfort them. I give them options. Sometimes they know what they want, some have no idea. I will walk them through the process and hold their hand every step of the way.

F: How do you stay professional and keep your own emotions in check?

E: It is hard. I can get that lump in my throat, but I have to remember that I have to be strong for them. There are times when there are cases that are really difficult, and if I cry all the way home, I cry all the way home. Then, I have to clean up myself, walk in the door and have the mommy and the wife hat on. … But that’s OK. My mom’s a nurse and she always tells me people are human.

F: Being in a small town where everybody seems to know everybody else, is that a blessing or a curse for a funeral director?

E: It is a blessing, because it becomes more personal and I think the families trust you because they know you. … It is hard, but I have to remember that I’m here for them, my feelings aside.

F: This is your business and you have to make a living here. How do you balance the business aspect of what you do with not coming across as being materialistic?

E: Again, I just give them options. I’m not trying to get them to buy the most expensive casket or the most expensive urn. I give them options and listen to them and what it is that they want, and they make the choice.

F: How do you hope you will be handled when your time comes?

E: I have thought about that, actually. I had surgery in April and, as with any surgery, there’s always the risk of complications. So, I thought about it and I let my family know and I feel I would be very well taken care of. It would be personal to them and I know it would be hard, but I hope it’s not anytime soon.

F: What’s the most unusual request you’ve had?

E: That’s hard to think of off the top of my head. We’ve had some very unique requests. We’ve had people use different markers (to write on caskets), we’ve had scrapbooks where everyone writes something to the loved ones left behind. Some people get buried with things. I had one where the family sent her away with everything she would need in the afterlife — tobacco, a purse full of things, a hatchet. Somebody went with their Mountain Dew, another went with a bottle of alcohol, it’s kind-of a little bit of everything.

Contact Greg Johnson at greg.johnson@frontiersman.com or 352-2269.