Gay marriage … it's in the news and the issue is local

Religious views: by Howard Bess

The American public has received a one-two punch. President George W. Bush has come out strongly against gay marriage, and the next day Pope John Paul II issued a document on the same subject.

President Bush made it plain that he will not compromise his personal view on marriage and has asked administration lawyers to work on legal means to define marriage as a relationship between one man and one woman.

Pope John Paul II, through the Vatican office of the Congregation for the Doctrine of the Faith, issued a lengthy statement that not only rejected gay marriage, but also instructed all Catholic public office holders that it was their moral duty to oppose any legislation or action that would give approval to gay marriage. To support gay marriage is considered "gravely immoral." The document says that homosexual acts are contrary to natural law. Allowing children to be raised by gay couples is described as a form of "violence to these children."

Meanwhile, here in the Valley, hundreds of gay couples live together in committed relationships. They are our neighbors. Many of the couples are rearing children. Recent polls show a growing acceptance of gay marriages. In New Jersey a recent poll shows a majority of people support legal recognition of gay marriages.

Court decisions across the country are flowing more and more in the direction of gay rights. In the near future the Massachusetts Supreme Court will rule on the right of gay couples to legally marry. The anticipated ruling is expected to be positive for gay people.

It seems society is going in one direction while President Bush and Pope John Paul II are going in the opposite direction.

Some significant statistics tell the story of the dynamics that drive the changing social scene. According to a Time magazine article, 42 percent of Americans now say they have either a gay family member or have a close personal friend who is gay. When the issue comes down to someone you know well and love, attitudes change in a big hurry.

The other statistic is even more dramatic and involves the phenomenon of "coming out." Coming out is defined as the first time that a gay person reveals his or her sexual orientation to another human being.

A few years ago the average age at which a gay person came out of the closet was 19. The person was gone from home, typically in college. It was relatively safe to come out. Parents did not have to admit that they had a gay child.

Today the average age of coming out is 13. Yes, you read correctly, 13. The child is still in middle school. And this is an average age, which means that many are coming out of their closet before age 13. The exposure to the dynamics of being gay is on our television screens every day. Now kids identify their feelings and have a vocabulary with which to speak. With these dynamics parents cannot avoid the reality of having a gay son or daughter. When people are dealing with their own children, religious pronouncements, even from the president or the pope, do not have the same effect.

It is now more than 20 years since I first officiated at a ceremony for a gay couple. At the time, I did not call it a marriage. I called it a "holy union." Over the years as I conducted more and more such ceremonies, I asked myself "Why not call this marriage?" The vows were the same. I was affirming monogamous, faithful relationships. Many of the couples involved were rearing children. They were good, responsible parents. I now call them marriages.

The pope is attempting to speak truth as he best sees it; but he is stuck in the first century.

The president is speaking with conviction, but he is stuck in being a Texas brand Christian fundamentalist. The tide of history is flowing against both of them.

Just like Christians had to come to terms with the Bible's support of slavery and the Bible's support of male supremacy, so Christians will have to come to terms with gay marriage, an issue about which the Bible says nothing.

The Rev. Howard Bess is the pastor of Church of the Covenant. The church's meeting house is located in the core area of Palmer.