Gift giving is easy, receiving is hard

Anthony Quinn is one of my all-time favorite actors. He played many great roles, but the one that I love most is Zorba, the Greek. Someone knew how much I appreciated Quinn’s talents and gave me a copy of his autobiography for a Christmas present in 1972. I read the book and have never forgotten its key message. The title of the book is “The Original Sin.”

The title describes Quinn’s fatal flaw. He did not know how to accept love. He did not know how to accept the accolades of his fans. He did not know how to accept love from women. He did not know how to accept the wealth that resulted from his enormously successful career. He did not know how to accept any kind of gift.

He set the stage of his autobiography with a story. He was residing in New York City and starring in a Broadway play. At the same time he had three movies running in New York movie theatres. No one in New York City could escape his overpowering presence.

A group of prominent New York women gave a prestigious luncheon in Quinn’s honor. All sorts of important public figures were invited to witness to the greatness of Quinn’s successes. When the time came for Anthony Quinn to respond to the abundant praise, he was overwhelmed. He did not have the ability to respond appropriately. He recalls mumbling a few incoherent words about his unworthiness and spoke no words of appreciation or thanks.

As Quinn left the luncheon, a somewhat younger actor confronted him. The younger actor was furious. “Why could you not accept the love and appreciation of your fans?”

Quinn left the gathering and started walking down Fifth Avenue. His walk turned into running. He ran and ran and ran. He ran until he fell exhausted on a small grassy mound. He wanted to cry very badly, but could not. He lost his voice, and was scheduled for a performance that evening. He was examined by a doctor, who could find no physical reason for his loss of speech.

The doctor’s evaluation was profound: “Either you have a growth on your vocal cords that I cannot see, or you have a lie caught in your throat.”

The story of the coming of Jesus of Nazareth into the world is reported in the Matthew and the Luke Gospels. These are the stories so familiar to most all of us. They are stories of a birth without a human father, of angels, of shepherds, of stars that defied their usual behavior and of Eastern soothsayers. They are the stories of a completely family not at all noteworthy from a town of no consequence. They are stories of a family that traveled 70 miles to Bethlehem on foot only to find “no room at the inn.” The birth of the centuries took place in a barn.

The significance of the stories is not a part of the Jesus birth narratives. The birth stories are told in a very simple, direct fashion. The task of significance is taken up by the writer of the John Gospel some 30 or so years after the writing of the birth narratives. In the John Gospel, no birth narrative is found; rather, John wrote a prologue that makes a theological statement. In the beginning was the Word. The Word was with God. The Word was God. The Word became flesh and dwelt among us. The Word came to his own people, but his own people did not receive him. From this perspective, the story is one of a gift refused.

Every Christmas there is a great emphasis on gift giving. Little is said about gift receiving. When gift receiving is given attention the focus is on people who are poor, needy, infirm or unfortunate.

How often do we step into the shoes of those who are receiving Christmas gifts from some sort of distribution center? How do the recipients see the volunteers who distribute toys and food with big smiles on their faces? Receiving gifts is a lot more difficult than giving them.

Among middle and upper class Americans, a lot of money is spent at Christmas time on gift giving, but it really is not gift giving. We have developed the habit of gift exchanges. Gift exchanges are a contradiction. Seldom do they involve things needed; rather the gifts involve things that are wanted.

I suspect the bulk of American Christmas giving has become a part of our economic system and has little to do with the coming of the Christ into the world. The typical American has not become a gift receiver. We take pride in making it on our own. We want to show the world we can work and earn our own way.

Anthony Quinn was a Mexican immigrant. No one worked harder to get where he was than did he. Along the way he never learned to receive the gifts from others he needed so badly to become a whole person. It was his besetting sin.

I fear that much of America is stricken with the same besetting sin. We have not learned to be good receivers. We have no room at our inns other than for ourselves.

The Rev. Howard Bess is the pastor of Church of the Covenant, an American Baptist church in Palmer. His e-mail address is hdbss@mtaonline.net.