God’s grace shines when helping others

To the editor:

The grace of God’s hand in someone diagnosed with Alzheimer’s-type dementia is revealed by the fact that they cannot dwell on their grief and problems. The flip side of this, of course, is that they also cannot retain the knowledge that they are remembered and tended by their loved ones.

A moment of pleasant visitation, telephone call or letter reading is just that: a moment. The person is unable to savor and recount the pleasantries exchanged. It is the loss of connectedness.They mention their loneliness and a knife goes through your heart.

For families, this loss from the disease is what is most devastating to realize. One has to give up the selfish notion of, “I want to remember them only as they once were,” and instead must embrace the need of the afflicted one. For me, that has meant reminding myself that this is a new mother to me. She is someone with many similarities to the mother I once knew, but with disease-induced characteristics that she would have found appalling in her better state of mind. I will remember both sets of traits when she is gone.

In the meantime, it would be easy and often more convenient to skip a visit or not acknowedge a holiday or event. After all, the slippery slope of reason offers that she won’t remember I was even there with her. However, that thinking is terribly flawed. It comes from that selfish place. Does the visit or acknowledgement give her pleasure, if only in the moment? Certainly! Can I be loving and true to someone who has given so much of herself and put my “convenience” way down my priority list? Can I fill her day with more of those special, loving moments?

With all the strength that I need coming from a merciful God, the answer is “yes!”

Ruth A. Reisterer

Palmer