Golden State takes the prize for bizarre

Like many or most, I listen to a morning radio show where there are two or three people yak yak yakking, laughing at their own jokes and the like. But I like one bit every morning called “It Happened in Florida.”

The premise is they introduce three bizarre but true stories of people doing something really stupid, and you have to guess which one happened in Florida. The hosts claim Florida is the birthplace of everything weird in the country. I don’t know if I can agree. Following events in California the past few years, I gotta say I think the Golden State takes the prize. Just a few examples:

Spanking

More than any other state, California has tried (so far unsuccessfully) to pass laws banning spanking using the argument that it is tantamount to child abuse. I have to wonder about people who can’t tell the difference between child abuse and a disciplinary spanking. And it’s hard to have a debate with somebody who is anti-spanking because, for some reason, they assume that you’re spanking your children every day as a knee-jerk reaction to every mistake.

Or, that you’re using mighty swings that would make George Foreman proud.

Do I spank my children? You bet. My kiddos know that if I feel I must, I will. Which means I rarely ever have to. It’s like my atom bomb; a last resort used when everything else has failed and I think it’s time to quickly remind by son or daughter that boundaries are not flexible and my rules are not to be tested. The people who are pushing for this law claim that all transgressions can be dealt with by talking and that children should be taught that. Really? So when they’re full-grown and decide to flee the police in a stolen car, going 120 mph through a school zone in the wrong lane while drinking a beer, they should expect the nice officers to sit them down in the grass next to the road and talk it out?

Give me a break.

Happy Meals

A couple of cities in California have passed laws wherein toys cannot be sold with food. The “logic” here is that the toys encourage children to eat fast food and get fat. That’s right, parents, apparently you have no influence or control over your child’s eating habits. So it’s up to the government to ensure that all is well in your household when it comes to what junior is eating lest evil Ronald McDonald transform children into spheres with feet. Another angle was that rising obesity is putting a drain on health care. Good point. So while they’re at it, it would be good to outlaw skate boarding, hiking, mountain climbing, kayaking, mountain biking, river rafting and trying to catch balls at baseball games.

Circumcision

San Francisco was successful in passing a law making it illegal to circumcise your son. Fortunately a judge threw it out, citing that cities cannot pass laws pertaining to medical safety since that is the domain of the state. But the fact that it gathered so many signatures in the first place surprised me. Where are the throngs of people shaking their fists over piercing your daughter’s ears? The anti-circumcision crowd called it “mutilation.” Oh please. Images of rabbis lurching into the room wielding hatchets and rusty scissors, right? Don’t want to circumcise your boy? Fine. Then don’t. But let’s not get carried away.

Gun laws

If you can’t pass a law outright banning guns, the new vogue is to find end-runs around the topic to effectively make it nearly impossible to sell or own a gun. California leads the rest of the nation with this tactic.

Re-defining “assault weapons” to include pistols with barrel lengths considered normal in the rest of the country is one example. Passing laws that require all shells to be micro-stamped by the gun as it’s fired is another. This means that manufacturers must either spend the money to re-tool assembly lines with additional and costly parts, or stop selling guns in California (the real goal). A popular tactic that was born in California but has now seen other copycat states gearing up for a try is to say it’s OK to own a gun — but against the law to use any ammunition containing lead (and other materials “bad for the environment”).

So sure, buy that gun, you just can’t have any ammo! You know, if you’re anti-guns and want to try and pass laws banning them, I can respect your opinion even if I don’t agree with it. But to use methods like this to de facto make it impossible to own one without confronting the issue head-on is just cowardly.

Maxine Waters

Heard of this lady? In a country where being eccentric and somehow getting elected is becoming more the rule than the exception, she stands head and shoulders above the rest.

Maxine is a Congresswoman from California who was charged with ethics violations by the House in 2010. She blames the CIA for the dramatic spike in crack usage in Los Angeles during the 1980s.

According to Waters, the CIA had people buying cocaine in South America, transporting it to the U.S. and finally selling it in LA. The supposed motive? The CIA was trying to kill African Americans.

Maxine has been brought up on charges of corruption after several businesses that supported her campaign saw millions of taxpayer dollars diverted to them via government bonds, and businesses that profited from government money seemed more apt to hire her family members. All coincidence, of course. But my favorite Maxine-ism is the line that brought her brief national fame. Remember that? For those of you who missed it, during a meeting with a Shell Oil executive, Maxine openly stated, “And guess what this member would be all about? This member would be all about socializing, er, uh, would be about basically taking over, and the government running all of your companies.”

She has also praised former Cuban dictator Fidel Castro. But here’s the real kicker; this lady has held office since 1993. Yes folks, her constituents keep re-electing her.

These are just a few examples from the weird and wacky land of California, where it’s against the law to smoke a cigarette in an open park and illegal immigrants can get government assistance to go to school.

So next time you run into a recent arrival from California, don’t scorn him or her. Rather, give them a hug. After all, moving here wasn’t just a relocation, it was an escape.

Ben Compton is a Palmer resident and publishes his column under the tagline “Compton’s Corner,” the same title used by his grandmother, Phyllis Compton, a longtime Frontiersman columnist.