Growing Up

My three-year-old grandsons are terrorists. They hold their parents hostage at bedtime, make unreasonable demands, and have no moral compunction whatsoever. They are egocentric, destructive (even self-destructive), and sometimes crazed, running screaming through the house. (Unlike terrorists, they are also adorable and have most of us wrapped around their fingers.)

Gratefully, their parents work with them, often with great patience, reminding them not to hit, coaxing them to say please and thank you, and protecting them from jumping or falling to their self-inflicted deaths. We have confidence that these behaviors, with time and effort, will give way to more pro-social manners, and are encouraged by the growing relationship and love we feel from these little ones. So we persist, day after day, hug after hug, gentle reminders repeated often. Incredibly, it happens. The child gradually abandons his fanatic tendencies and becomes someone different altogether.

In the natural world, there is an abundance of examples of radical change as creatures mature. Tiny, hairless, blind joeys become powerful, even dangerous kangaroos, swimming miniature tadpoles morph into hopping frogs, and perhaps the most dramatic: ground-crawling, plant-destroying ugly caterpillars transform into delicate, colorful, nectar-drinking butterflies.

I am glad (relieved) to see my grandchildren change and am spellbound by the changes I see in nature, but I struggle to have confidence that I can change.

One of my core beliefs is that I am an actual child of God. He is my Father and has offered me this chance to come to this place so I can grow up to be more like Him. “I have said, Ye are gods; and all of you are children of the most High.” (Psalms 82:6 KJV)

I want to change, to grow up like my Father, with a Godly character and wisdom. Certainly, as my Father, He has been merciful to me, protected me from my self-destructive tendencies, set the example of Jesus Christ before me, and showered me with love. He has invited me to change. And I want to change. I’m just not very good at it.

And, I wish I could change more quickly. I wish I could play the piano better without practicing every day for months and years. I wish I could be more Christlike without messing up so often. I wish I would open my ears more and my mouth less. I wish I could be more thoughtful and less thoughtless.

An ancient king asked the question eloquently “What shall I do that I may be born of God, having this wicked spirit rooted out of my breast, and receive his Spirit, that I may be filled with joy, that I may not be cast off at the last day?” Or, how do I become transformed?

And a prophet answers: Pray in faith and repent.

Humbly, the old king kneels and offers one of the sweetest recorded prayers: “Oh God,…if thou art God, wilt thou make thyself known unto me, and I will give away all my sins to know thee, and that I may be raised from the dead, and be saved at the last day.” After this prayer, the king has a personal experience with God. When we see him later, we see that he has changed. Once noted for his temper, he now encourages his people to learn of God. (Book of Mormon, Alma 22)

I know that change takes time, patience, and persistence, but ultimately, like the butterfly, I must have divine help to experience a metamorphosis. This is God’s plan—for us to mature from the three-year-old guerilla (or the self-centered 60-year-old) into a being like He is—loving, wise, and focused on the needs of others. The elderly king had it right: to know Him, I need to give up all my sins. They just get in the way. I might have a few favorites, but I have to be willing to let them all go if I want to be completely changed.

I love this quote from C.S. Lewis: “Imagine yourself as a living house. God comes in to rebuild that house. At first, perhaps, you can understand what He is doing. He is getting the drains right and stopping the leaks in the roof and so on; you knew that those jobs needed doing and so you are not surprised. But presently He starts knocking the house about in a way that hurts abominably and does not seem to make any sense. What on earth is He up to? The explanation is that He is building quite a different house from the one you thought of - throwing out a new wing here, putting on an extra floor there, running up towers, making courtyards. You thought you were being made into a decent little cottage: but He is building a palace. He intends to come and live in it Himself.”

I want to grow up. And with God, all things are possible.

Kristin Fry is a loving mother, grandmother, and volunteer in the community. She is a member of The Church of Jesus Christ of Latter-day Saints.