Happy Mother’s Day to both my mothers

Mother’s Day is here and, like every other year, I have to send out two cards — one to my biological mother and another to my step-mom.

I never get a card for my step-mom just to be courteous or polite; I get it because she’s always been my “other mom.” My parents divorced when I was 3 and both re-married shortly thereafter. So for most of my life, I have had two sets of parents.

I’m very proud of my mother. She was the first in a large family to finish high school and continued to go to school to learn how to be a secretary (this was in the late 1960s when women didn’t enjoy the open career opportunities they do now). My dad was in Vietnam when I was born and my 21-year-old mom was on her own taking care of their first child. Her entire life, my mother has worked exceptionally hard to always better herself and retired just a few months ago as one of the top supervisors for Pierce County Planning and Land Services in Washington. She never waited for a break, a handout or somebody else to pull her up. Mom always believed the only way to succeed was through your own determination and hard work. Along the way she managed to also raise her children, help run a large family business, cook dinner every night, check our homework, attend school functions and all the other hard work that comes with being Mom.

My stepmother came into my life at a young age. Dad was often up in the hills logging in Washington or Oregon back then. My early memories of time with Dad are of my stepmom taking me to the movies, hikes, or picking me up at my grandparent’s house and making the several-hundred-mile drive to wherever Dad was working. During the years since then, my step-mom has always treated me no differently than her own children. She was been extremely forgiving when I did all the dumb things young men do. She’s done for me all the things a mom does. She is truly my other mom (Mom 2) and I only refer to her as my step-mom for this article.

Once a decade or so ago, I was taken aback when an in-law referred to my divorced parents as “a dysfunctional family.” Somehow, my parents having split up automatically placed me in this category. Even more surprising was learning how many other people look at it the same way. Oddly enough, many of the people making this judgment were in relationships that could only be described as volatile or just plain strange. Husbands and wives that proudly proclaimed having remained married despite the fact that they clearly couldn’t stand each other, for example.

I had the misfortune of going through a divorce myself years ago. We had one son together. It was miserable and I wouldn’t wish it on anybody. In my opinion, there are no “winners” in a divorce and it is only a sad experience. But soon afterward I met a wonderful woman with three young boys of her own and I was thankful for the example my stepmother had set for me. It wasn’t just about marrying this woman, but also equally accepting her children into my life. It’s an “all-or-nothing” deal. Either you accept the children whole-heartedly and without reservation or don’t bother getting married. I have seen blended families where the stepchildren are indeed seen as “baggage;” something that has been grudgingly accepted in order to marry a boyfriend or girlfriend. It’s sad and I have yet to see what I would consider to be a truly happy relationship come out of that.

This Mother’s Day, I thank my first Mom for raising me to respect the value of hard work and proving that no matter how hard life gets or how busy you are, there’s always time to be a parent first. I want to thank my second Mom for being the mother that she didn’t have to be and for making sure I always knew I was as equal a part of her life as her other children are. And finally, I want to express my admiration for my wife who has shown that this ability was not unique to just Mom 2!

Ben Compton is a Palmer resident and publishes his column under the tagline “Compton’s Corner,” the same title used by his grandmother, Phyllis Compton, a longtime Frontiersman columnist.