High-tech marriage leads to problems

Resslin' Around, by Casey Ressler

Years ago, I thought marriage would be a great thing. Now, I understand what people mean by it being something that requires a lot of work, patience and understanding.

Of course, I'm not talking about my marriage with my wife. That's fine, except for the little thing about her being an Oakland Raiders fan. The marriage to the computer, however, is another thing. I now fully believe that 50 percent of all marriages fail -- one needs only to have their computer lock up on them so many times before a marriage is bound to fail, regardless of how much work is put into it.

I don't know how I -- or society in general -- got to this point of being married to computers. At work, when the computers act up, it's almost like a state of emergency. Hurricane Isabel has nothing on crashed servers. If the computer goes down, the paper ceases to be put together -- you can't type stories, you can't scan photos, you can't lay out the pages. Basically, all that's left to talk about is how journalists did it in the old days before computers, like 15 years ago.

After a day spent fussing over a computer, I then go home, where I use my computer for personal things like making topographic maps to use on fishing trips, a game or two, e-mail and checking up on my beloved Phillies or the vaunted Wasilla Inferno, my fantasy football team. In all, I have most of my day wrapped up in front of a computer, so when a virus strikes or I have problems, I am paralyzed.

I'm not alone, either.

Nearly everything is computerized now, from paying your bills online to checking movie times to stock trading. We've become dependent on computers for the most basic operations of life, and when problems arise, that codependence is brought to light -- just like a "real" relationship.

For one day, I'm not going to use the computer, just to show how independent I am. It'll have to be a weekend, because I'd probably get fired if I just sat here staring at my screen all day and doing nothing. If it is a weekend, though, that means I can't check to see if my Michigan State Spartans won on Saturday, or how the Denver Broncos are doing. I couldn't check my bank balance to see if I could order a pizza during the game, either. I also wouldn't be able to change my fantasy football lineup, check out a new fly pattern at a friend's Web site, listen to music from around the world, edit a home movie and burn it on a DVD for relatives or e-mail stories to work from home.

Won't that be great?

As it turns out, the only problem with being married to a computer is that there is no chance for divorce.

Casey Ressler (valleylife@frontiersman.com) is the Valley Life editor. He is married to Tracy and a Sony Vaio.