Hot dog!

J's World, by Jeremiah Bartz

Hot dogs and sausages are not only tubes filled with various meat products, they are now a source of controversy.

Earlier this week at a Milwaukee Brewers game during a festivity in which fans in giant sausage costumes race around the field, Pittsburgh first baseman Randal Simon decided to bonk the Italian sausage with his bat.

I think it is because Simon had cash on the bratwurst, but the Pirate ended up losing money as he was arrested and fined $432, the average hourly salary of a major league player, and charged with disorderly conduct.

Surprisingly enough it was not Simon's thumping of the giant sausage that sparked the most hot dog related debate, but Takeru Kobayashi's performance in the annual hot dog eating contest at Coney Island.

The Japanese speed-eater downed 50 1/2 tubes of meat products, and buns, in 12 minutes to win his second straight hot dog eating title.

No one came even close to Kobayashi, not even William "The Refrigerator" Perry.

The "Fridge" could only muster four hot dogs in 12 minutes.

That is utterly shocking. Aside from Keith Richards, Perry is the poster boy for excess. This is a man who stated in a biography that his average meal includes two whole fried chickens, a pound of mashed potatoes and two gallons of milk.

I am thinking, that meal is a bit more heavy on the stomach than four hot dogs.

Maybe Coney Island should host a fried chicken eating contest?

It just would be nice to see an American win an event hosted on July 4, our day of independence.

Nothing against Japan, or any person from any other culture for that matter. We already agree that Japan has the edge in technology and average test scores.

But obesity and overeating, that's ours!

Also shocking is the fact that Kobayashi is only 112 pounds. That is 112 pounds before the contest. Afterwards he probably weighed a good 130.

I am sure there is someone out there in the great USA who can take down the Japanese speed-eater, or someone who can at least hit the five-mark.

I know I could choke down more than four hot dogs in 12 minutes, although I am not sure that is the best thing to admit.

I have seen Casey Ressler take down about six chedderwursts in about 15 minutes on a camping trip.

A wrestler cutting weight may be the answer. After a week of wearing plastic and running until they are blue, the average wrestler would eat the back end out of a Buick.

I could see a starving grappler take down 50 dogs after a week of fasting.

You could scout a Phish or Greatful Dead concert, I am sure a deadhead with the "munchies" could eat a few dozen franks.

There are about 356 days until the 2004 hot dog eating contest. Might be time for someone to start training.

Keep the title back home in the land of over indulgence.

Jeremiah Bartz is the sports editor for the Frontiersman. Bartz is nominating Ressler to challenge Kobayashi.