How MEA trains management hopefuls

July 20, 2007

Spectrum/Darin Markwardt

Knock, knock.

Utility boss: &#8220Come in.”

Utility worker: &#8220Good morning sir, how are y-&#8220

Boss: &#8220Well, what's the news?”

Worker: &#8220Well, sir, there's good news and bad news. The good news is that the Mat-Su Borough decided to delay its decision about a coal plant ordinance.”

Boss: &#8220Ha! We're still in business! So, what's the bad news?”

Worker: &#8220Well, sir, the bad news is that a huge majority of the people who testified or sent letters to the Borough are against our coal plant.”

Boss: &#8220So?”

Worker: &#8220So? What do you mean, sir? We're a co-op. The opinion of the people matters.”

Boss: (sighs) &#8220Haven't you learned anything from your time here?”

Worker: &#8220U, well …”

Boss: &#8220Every time people start to get emotional about something we've done here at Matanuska Electric Association, we say that the ‘silent majority' is just staying, well, silent.”

Worker: &#8220But sir, if they're silent, how do we know if they're actually a majority?”

Boss: &#8220Exactly.”

Worker: &#8220Genius, sir.”

Boss: &#8220Well, any other news to report?”

Worker: &#8220Well, there's been an unusually large number of e-mails and phone calls telling us to say ‘no to coal,' and most of these folks want us to renegotiate with Chugach. To be honest, sir, I don't know how to answer these people.”

Boss: &#8220Label 'em.”

Worker: &#8220Excuse me?”

Boss: &#8220Label ‘em, son. When people give an argument - a so-called fact - you throw a label.”

Worker: &#8220What do you mean?”

Boss: &#8220Well, try an argument on me.”

Worker: &#8220Well, some folks are saying that the new coal plant will emit 3 pounds of mercury per year, and that 1/100th of a microgram of that stuff is toxic. How do you …”

Boss: &#8220Greenies.”

Worker: &#8220Excuse me?”

Boss: &#8220Just call ‘em ‘greenies.' Whenever these wackos bring up some scientific fact up about how coal has been linked to cancer, asthma, or whatever, just call ‘em a greenie.”

Worker: &#8220But many of these people aren't gree-&#8220

Boss: &#8220Or better yet, call their whole argument ‘emotionalism.' Makes ‘em sound illogical.”

Worker: &#8220I see. And what about the argument that we underestimated the cost of the coal plant by 80 percent? You know people are starting to think that MEA low-balled both the capital cost of construction and the operating and maintenance costs?”

Boss: &#8220Oh, so do you want to import power from Chugach?”

Worker: &#8220Well sir, not me -&#8220

Boss: &#8220No, that's what you say. You don't refute facts, you shift course. Label ‘em as a Chugach slave or something. Then tell ‘em that we'll finally have low-cost, reliable electricity when we become independent.”

Worker: &#8220OK sir, but people are saying that we already have low-cost, reliable energy. We actually pay the second lowest rates in the Railbelt - even though we import power from Chugach.”

Boss: &#8220I know that! That's not the point! If they say, ‘We already have great rates,' we say, ‘Power costs less when we're in charge.'”

Worker: &#8220That really doesn't mean anything.”

Boss: &#8220Exactly. We throw out some spiffy line that means nothing, and then tell them to imagine how much money they'd save - if only we weren't stuck to Chugach.”

Worker: &#8220But sir, the money that now goes to Chugach would have to go towards building and maintaining our new power plants. And that could actually increase their bills.

Boss: &#8220Son, you just don't get it. We don't spar with these emotional factoids. If they bring up scientific data, just yell ‘sham.'”

Worker: &#8220Ah, the labeling thing again.”

Boss: &#8220Yes, the labeling thing. They throw a fact, we throw a label.”

Worker: &#8220So, what about Gov. Palin's latest call to work together with the other utilities. You know, to form a unified electric system.”

Boss: &#8220Low cost, reliable energy.”

Worker: &#8220Um, that doesn't answer the …”

Boss: &#8220Low cost, reliable energy.”

Worker: &#8220Ah. Shift course. Got it. So, when people say we need to work together with other utilities to create a market for a natural gas pipeline …”

Boss: &#8220We say they're ignorant about the issues and they're greenies. And then, to top it all off, we say -&#8220

Worker: &#8220Low cost, reliable energy.”

Boss: &#8220You're learning fast.”