Hundreds cheer abuse survivor at Palmer rally

PALMER — Although her voice shook and her nose ran not from the cold spring wind, but from the emotion of sharing her story, survivor Suzanne Thomas was among the most courageous people of the hundreds who attended Choose Respect events across Alaska Thursday.

Hundreds of people showed up at Valley events in Wasilla and Palmer to support the statewide campaign to raise awareness about individuals’ roles in turning the tide in Alaska’s generations-long epidemic of domestic violence and sexual assault.

Thomas came to Alaska in 1994 to be with a man she loved. They both loved nature, he was romantic and soon the two were married and living in Girdwood.

But it wasn’t long before the abuse began. At first it was psychological, but Thomas said it quickly escalated to physical abuse.

She was isolated from her friends and especially from her family in England.

“They kept telling me to come back, but I thought I could work it out,” Thomas said.

Eventually, she left the relationship and got help from the Alaska Women Aide in Crisis shelter and Catholic Social Services in Anchorage. They helped her get a restraining order and file for dissolution.

After her first husband, Thomas said she dated at least three abusive men before she married her second husband in 2006. By then, she wanted a baby badly and became pregnant fairly quickly, she said.

Too late, she realized he also was abusive.

This time she escaped to the Alaska Family Services shelter in Palmer where she lived for three months and took classes to help her learn about healthy relationships.

“They were wonderful, because not only did they give me a place to stay — my daughter and I a place to stay — but they changed my life,” Thomas said.

When she left the shelter, she said she rented a cabin in the woods without running water for $350 a month. She hauled water and firewood and shoveled a lot of snow last winter. But she had firewood and a phone, and most importantly, she said, she was free.

“You may have to throttle down your lifestyle, but at least you’ll be free,” Thomas said.

She said she still attends weekly meetings offered through Alaska Family Services and there’s a hotline she can call when things get really tough.

Although her divorce was finalized last year, Thomas said she still has weekly contact with her daughter’s father, who shares custody of the child.

“Domestic violence doesn’t end when you leave or after the divorce,” she said.

These days, she’s raising her daughter while pursuing her associate’s degree at Mat-Su College.

“I will not allow another abusive relationship in my life,” Thomas said. “I’m done.”

‘Choose Respect’ in Palmer

In Palmer, participants gathered at the MTA Events Center before marching to the park across from Palmer Visitors Center. In Wasilla, participants met at Newcomb Park on Wasilla Lake to show their support for their neighbors like Thomas struggling with the impacts of domestic violence.

Speaking at the Palmer rally, Alaska Family Services Executive Director Donn Bennice said the 32-bed domestic violence shelter — for help call 746-4080 or toll-free at (866) 746-4080 — he heads operates the only nationally accredited shelter of its kind in Alaska.

He said about 350 people participated in the Palmer event and another 60 took part in the Wasilla Choose Respect rally.

Palmer Mayor DeLena Johnson followed Bennice at the microphone. She said she supports the Choose Respect effort because it empowers individuals to play a role in reducing domestic violence in Alaska.

Johnson said Alaska can’t hire enough officers or fund enough prevention programs to turn the tide. The change has to start at home.

“It has to be about individual changes in our homes and in our community,” she said.

As a mom, Johnson said respect is something she’s made a point to teach her children. But there is an element of safety involved, too, she said, sharing the story of her high school-age daughter who likes to run and ski.

“I tell her to stay on the paths, to go with a friend,” Johnson said. “I worry about those statistics and how they affect us. I want to see them change.”

Gov. Sean Parnell attended Choose Respect events in Palmer and Old Harbor today as part of the annual event. In Palmer, he thanked the crowd and said he was proud of the hundreds of people who attended to show their support.

“In Alaska, 60 percent of women report being assaulted,” he said. “That’s not OK.”

Parnell shared the story of a blog post he’d read the night before by an Alaska teen who was sexually assaulted.

“She had the courage to tell her mom,” Parnell said. “She said telling was the best thing she ever did.”

He said the girl’s post also contained a message she wanted to share with other survivors of abuse.

“She said ‘there is no shame in this. This is not your fault,’” Parnell said. “‘This is not your shame to rightly bear.’”

He challenged the adults and youths in the audience from the Alaska Job Corps Center, Palmer Junior Middle School and Palmer High School to use their strength to protect and defend others.

Each year after Choose Respect events, Parnell said domestic violence shelters across the state see a surge in calls for help.

“More people found the courage to break free because of what you did here today,” he told the crowd. “Thank you for making the statement in 142 communities across the state that domestic violence is not who we are as Alaskans.”

Alaskans as far away as Capitol Hill in Washington, D.C., also participated in Choose Respect events. And since Alaska’s delegation is back home for Easter, Sen. Lisa Murkowski participated in Choose Respect events in Anchorage and Rep. Don Young participated in Juneau.

Contact managing editor Heather A. Resz at 352-2268 or heather.resz@frontiersman.com.