‘I'm hurting, and I want to be with my grandma'

September 26, 2006

By MARY AMES/Frontiersman

WASILLA - Her grandmother called her Tabby Cat, planted flowers with her, and told her they would grow if she talked to them, and said she would always love her, no matter what.

Tabby hasn't seen her grandparents, Rick and Ruby Ewing, in almost two years, not since she left Wasilla to live with her mother near Portland, Ore.

Tabby and the grandparents who raised her recently learned the Wasilla Office of Children's Services has determined the Ewings unfit to regain custody of 15-year-old Tabby. Tabby, for reasons OCS won't say, is better off in a foster home in Portland than with the Ewings.

&#8220I feel like, no matter how much I try, no one is listening to what I have to say,” Tabby said. &#8220It's not just difficult for my grandma, it's difficult for me. I'm hurting, and I want to be with my grandma.”

No one from Wasilla OCS spoke with Tabby. She was going to call them, she said, until she heard they rejected her grandparents as custodians.

&#8220It's so difficult,” she said. &#8220These people who don't even know me throw it all away with the snap of their fingers. I wish everyone else could see how many great things she's done and how many people she helped. I wish they could see me right now. If I was in Alaska, and those people could talk to me for five minutes, they would know I'm not that horrible kid I use do be - and they would let me come back.”

Her grandparents are amazing people, she said. When Ruby Ewing's friend bemoaned losing her hair during cancer treatments, Ruby shaved her own head in a show of support, Tabby said, and then Ruby Ewing took care of that friend's kids. When another friend needed back surgery, Ruby Ewing took all four kids under her roof, Tabby said. And her grandma helped another friend get away from an abusive husband, she said.

Rick Ewing worked hard so they had a nice house and Ruby could stay home and take care of everyone, Tabby said. Her grandpa is &#8220the most amazing man in the world,” she said.

&#8220He showed me how to stay focused, how to get stuff done,” she said.

Tabby needed to know how to get stuff done when she arrived in Oregon at 14 to be with her mother, who had told everyone she was off drugs.

&#8220She lied, but I was too stubborn, and I didn't call,” Tabby said. &#8220I knew she was doing drugs. We were bouncing from friends to friends. I just didn't want to look at the whole situation.”

Tabby needed help, but she knew her mother's younger daughters, about 5 and 7 years old, needed help, too. So she didn't call her grandparents to tell them what was going on in her life.

&#8220My grandma would have been down on the next flight to come and get me,” she said. &#8220There's so much I wish I could take back.”

Instead of calling for help, Tabby took on the adult role.

&#8220I always had to be cleaning because mom was doing meth, and the house got so horrible,” she said. &#8220I'd get them up, feed them and get them off for school. Then I'd go to school and hope mom would be awake when they got home. I've been through so much, and now that I know my little sisters are safe, I just want to go home.”

That year, for the first time in her life, Tabby got failing grades at school. She had never failed before, and it was really hard, she said, but her mom was always yelling, and she had to make a choice between doing well at school or caring for the younger girls.

&#8220I had to choose, and I chose my sisters,” she said. &#8220They were so much more important. School is very important if you want to get anywhere, but family is all you have. Without that, you have nothing.”

With her mother in jail, the younger girls back with their father, and her grandparents in Wasilla and denied custody by people she doesn't know, Tabby said she is so angry sometimes she feels like she wants to kick something.

&#8220My grandma's house is the best place I can be,” she said. &#8220I miss Alaska, too. It's the place I was raised and the place where I want to grow up, and live and die. That's my home. I know that's the best place.”

Contact Mary Ames at

352-2284 or mary.ames@

frontiersman.com.