In celebration of truly Alaskan modifications

Ever seen that website “People of Walmart?” No? It’s a website that shows rather unflattering pictures of people from Wal-Marts all over the world. The idea is that it depicts the typical Wal-Mart customer as being, well, a bit off.

I admit that I find it hilarious. I don’t know how many times I’ve sworn the picture I’m looking at was taken locally. Just a few weeks ago I spotted a great candidate for the website cruising through the produce aisle in painted-on short-shorts, stiletto heels and a tube-top (I made my kids look the other direction). Lookin’ good, lady!

In the spirit of that website, I’m thinking of starting a new website called “Cars of Alaska.”

You know I love cars, especially older rigs that have been well maintained and cared for, not hacked up by over-eager teenagers. But even the old muscle cars and hot rods bring a smile too my face. It’s the time and originality that people have applied to a pride-and-joy old Chevrolet, Dodge, Ford or Jeep to make it “one-of-a-kind.”

Newer cars kind of bore me, but even then, seeing somebody cruise the commute in a car that is obviously kept clean and waxed is cool. I like it when people take care of their cars. I have an old ’86 Jeep Cherokee sitting in the garage named “Mallory.” Big deal,n old ‘80s Jeep, right? Well, Mallory is straight-as-an-arrow with original paint, no rust and the interior looks like she just rolled off the assembly line. Despite the fact that she’s just an old Cherokee, I keep her in the garage and weekends will inevitably find me washing, waxing, vacuuming and blackening the tires. I get teased, but I don’t care. It’s just my thing. I’ve done a few little personal touches here and there; painted the brake drums bright orange and put some modern Jeep rims on it just be different.

Alaskans like to do lots of personal touches on their rigs, and some very unique custom jobs, too. So my “Cars of Alaska” website will showcase some of these for other people to see in the Lower 48. I think I’ll have a whole section devoted to Plexiglas. Nowhere else in my travels have I seen so many cars rocking “customized” Plexiglas windows than Alaska. Just the other day we spotted a relatively new Subaru — no dents, no rust, with a pop-riveted rear Plexiglas window. And the rivets were all lined up and spaced so nice and even! Great attention to keeping things neat and tidy!

Well, the Plexiglas is a better, more professional custom job than the alternative I spot now and then — the plastic garbage bag and tape. But this is kind of neat too because you can select from clear, tinted, black-out or gray. Garbage sack window have a crack? With 60 seconds and some new tape you’re off and set with a new one! Who can’t appreciate that?

Finally there is the third option, plywood. Plexiglas is expensive and those bags make a racket flapping in the breeze, but a nice, thick chunk of ¾-inch ply will fit in there nice and snug (with a dozen or so sheet metal screws). And you can paint it to match the vehicle!

Our custom paint jobs are pretty unique, too. A box of rattle-can paint, a case of beer and you and your buddies can come up with your own “stand out, one-of-a-kind” rig. I think my favorite is the do-it-yourself camouflage. Still not sure just where some of these rigs are supposed to blend in, but … well … they’re unique.

Want one of them fancy RVs but just can’t bring yourself to shell out the coin? Why drop a few thousand bucks when instead you can cut off the back of your Oldsmobile and chain down a slide-in truck camper back there? There ya go! A do-it-yourself RV that is truly “Alaska!” Otherwise, you can always chain it down to a flat-deck trailer (make sure it’s nice and tight!) and just pull it behind the car. Note: If you see a car doing everything in its power to pass you, that’s me. I’m deathly afraid of being behind you when that thing breaks and flies off the trailer.

I heard a statistic not too long ago that Alaska actually has more trucks than people. Wow. That’s a lot of trucks, but not everybody needs one. Just ask the guy I saw a couple months back with the ATV roped (yes, roped) down to the top of his Saturn. I’m guessing the nice round shape of the car made it easy to drive it up there. Then it was just a matter of roping it down and, voila! Who needs a truck?

Apparently, GM makes some pretty sturdy glass, too, because the front of the quad was directly on the rear window. Two little kids in the back seat. Wow. “Kids, if the front of the machine bursts through the window, shattering you with glass and dropping onto your heads, please let Daddy know so I can pull over and adjust, m’kay?”

“Cars of Alaska.” Yeah. Think I’ll get on that. Look for your car on the Internet!

Ben Compton is a Palmer resident and publishes his column as “Compton’s Corner,” the same title used by his grandmother, Phyllis Compton, a longtime Frontiersman columnist.